Life Long Love

Ah, Motherhood. What can I say that hasn’t already been said? To quote Dickens, “it was the best of times, it was the worst of times”. You may think that an odd comparison, unless you are a mother. If you are a mother, it resonates deep in your soul.

Two of the best days of my life were when I held my daughters in my arms for the first time; miniature versions of me. I carried them and had eventful deliveries with both of them, but it is true that any pain melts away as your heart melts in a way it never has before. I encountered a love like none I had ever known.

Over the years, I experienced many “best days”; their first smile, their first steps, many “I love you’s”, the proud moments at school and church, baptisms, graduations, weddings and one of the VERY best, when I was handed each of my two granddaughters.

There were also the bad days. To put it simply, when they hurt, I hurt. Whether it was a bully at school, an illness or injury they suffered with, a break-up that left them broken or just general feelings of insecurity or pain. If you are a mom worthy of the title, I guarantee you, you would rather feel the pain yourself. Every. Single. Time. Other than Jesus, you are their greatest advocate, their biggest fan and you FEEL deep where they are concerned.

One of the biggest misconceptions is that somehow when they turn 18, when their teen years have possibly left your head spinning, that your job is done, that any percentage of the head and heart stuff will cease. Truly, you may no longer operate a charity-based uber service, your laundry loads will decrease, your kitchen won’t feel like grand central station and your nights won’t be filled with games and homework (but oh, how you will miss all this!). Physically though, you will finally have rest. You can sleep in. You can have uninterrupted coffee and many other things.

But, if you think for one moment that this somehow equates with mental rest……if you think that your mind somehow blissfully morphs into a peaceful state that has no cause for fear or concern; that you won’t still feel their pain, wonder about their future, cringe at some of their choices and stay up praying some nights, you have it all wrong.

This thing they call Motherhood, it’s for life. It’s not an easy calling and it certainly isn’t for the faint at heart. You will wring out every drop of yourself to make their lives better and there will be times they don’t seem to appreciate it. (Okay, I know some of you have perfect children, but most of us don’t). I am still a middle aged mom, so I don’t know it all yet, but in speaking with older mom’s, I am assured nothing ever changes. Your desire to hold them, help them and protect them will never be diminished.

Ultimately, you have to let go. You will not have as much say in their choices or the roads they chose to take. This will bother you and if you are smart, you will learn when to offer advice or opinion and when to simply smile and swallow it. They may parent differently than you did, and in some ways this might be a good thing.

There are days when I see myself in them, maybe only a glimpse but it is somehow comforting. This grown creature really is mine and there are still similarities. I hope when they see me in them, it brings them comfort too.

I lost my mom when I was 30 years old and I continue to feel that loss. Mostly, I miss her unconditional love, her undying support, her love-filled advice and being able to share everything with her. Thankfully, over the years, I’ve had friends, aunts and a mother-in-law who have helped tremendously in filling the gaping hole that her death left in my heart. I know how much my mother loved me and that gives me comfort.

There is NOTHING my girls could do that would take away my love for them. We may disagree, but I love them through everything, the good and the bad. They know this without a shadow of a doubt. That my friends, is one of the most important roles of a mother.

I would be remiss if I didn’t thank the Lord, my God for my beautiful girls and for His constant love and strength, continually helping me to be the best mother I can be. I have failed and will continue to, but He forgives me and helps me to forgive myself and learn from my mistakes.

There is no perfect mother, although mine was awfully close. If we do the best we can with what we know, and strive to know more and do better, we will have done well.

Blessings and Peace,

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.”

Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

Between Seasons

Spring is trying to break forth but winter stubbornly holds her back blowing a north wind with all his strength.

Yet I see buds and blossoms and the birdsong is different. They know change is coming and they gloriously and expectantly herald its arrival.

The eerie wind shrieks and hisses in response as if trying to drown out their excited chatter.

But no matter, come it will in all of its glory. A reminder of all things new, all things beautiful and bright.

The seasons in our life will change too. When you worry that you can’t handle another dreary day of winter, when you tire of the clouds and snow and the barrenness, just hold on. Spring is on its way!

It was one of those March days when the sun shines hot and the wind blows cold: when it is summer in the light, and winter in the shade. Charles Dickens, Great Expectations.

Descent

Oh, let the wind blow cried the little leaf While I hold on tight to this big oak tree It’s not quite my time to make the journey down Not until another hue of color I see I’ll hang here and listen to the wind in the trees And enjoy the crispness of an autumn […]

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Misguided persistence

“Stop nagging!” We have all heard it and we have may have said it to someone else. If you look in Webster, the definition is “persistently annoying or finding fault with someone”. When I think about nagging, I am reminded of summer evenings, sitting outside trying to relax while being persistently and relentlessly pursed by […]

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One step forward

Outside this morning, I remember being on my knees, in the dirt, pulling weeds.  I felt the slight pull from my incision site as I shifted positions and I was reminded how far I have come in just a few short weeks.  Mind you, as they passed, they felt like long grueling weeks.  Overwhelmed with […]

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It really will be okay

Sometimes I forget that spring is coming.  Everything seems dry and dead and there is barely any color.  Locked in the bathroom, asking God why, I wonder if He really heard all of those silent, heartbroken pleas, the soulful dew faced prayers and the loud proclamations made, while pacing back and forth, my confident steps […]

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Mid-Winter Musings

It’s that time of year when many of the trees are bare except for a few stragglers; dried out crunchy leaves that shiver in the wind but seem to cling ever so tightly to the only home they have ever known. The days can get overcast, over-long and over-dreary if you let them.  The beautiful […]

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Restful Saturday at home

There is something so deliciously satisfying about an afternoon nap; joyous partly due to the sheer infrequency you get to enjoy the pleasure.  There you are, adrift on the ocean of peaceful slumber so sweet, languidly waking, body warm beneath a cozy blanket.  Equally wonderful is slowly coming alive to the sounds of a fire […]

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Itsy bitsy what?

When my friend Dawn sent me a video of this beautiful web and told me maybe I could write a blog, I am sure this is not what she was thinking about. However, this little poem just came to me today and I had to capture it. Across the wall above it skims Propelled by […]

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Peace, peace wonderful peace

You know how some moments just stay with you, all of your days?  You couldn’t erase them from your memory, even if you tried?  I remember one of those days.  It started as a visit from a friend, who I’m sure was concerned about my well being after the recent loss of my mom.  I […]

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