One step forward

IMG-7349Outside this morning, I remember being on my knees, in the dirt, pulling weeds.  I felt the slight pull from my incision site as I shifted positions and I was reminded how far I have come in just a few short weeks.  Mind you, as they passed, they felt like long grueling weeks.  Overwhelmed with thankfulness that I am over the worst of it, I sat back in the grass, listened to the birdsong and reflected.

I remember taking that first hesitant step.  It almost brought me to my knees, but I took it.  And, you don’t take one step without anticipating taking another and another.  That is how it’s been; a few more each day, less pain as the steps increase and healing is progressing.

As I reflect on my recent healing journey, I can’t help but see the parallels in emotional and spiritual healing.  We get wounded and we can either take steps toward healing or let fear of further pain stop us in our tracks, immobilizing us.  If we stay that way long enough, body and soul begin to atrophy.  

We often try to shelter ourselves from the unknown, behind our walls of fear keeping us from stepping into the blessed light of healing.

I’m limping now, but I’m moving.  The walk isn’t pretty, but it’s forward.  My steps are sometimes tentative, but step by step I am leaving this pain behind.  

The physical wound is healing, there isn’t as much fear of it splitting open again.  New, strong skin is weaving a covering over what was once a gaping wound.  I’ve covered it some, especially in the beginning for protection, but I’ve also let the sun shine on it.  Importantly, I haven’t touched it.  You can’t keep touching a wound, and expect it to heal.

Now that I am edging closer to full recovery, my progress is greater every day.  I don’t talk about it as much.  I have shed the crutches and the scooter.  It’s all quickly transforming into a memory, albeit one I have learned much from.

So, I think about what I have learned and the main points are three-fold; I need others to help me when I’m at my weakest and I must let them, empathy for others who have gone through something similar and understanding about this particular struggle.  Going forward, if I am wise, I will remember the lesson and encourage others.

Of course, above I have been speaking of my recent foot surgery, but as usual, if you keep your heart open, God will open your eyes and impart knowledge of deeper things through your struggles.

If you are going through any kind of pain, be it emotional, spiritual or physical, just take a step; one small baby step toward recovery and healing.  God will meet you where you are if you will let Him.

Blessings, 

Lisa

 

“Go back?” he thought. “No good at all! Go sideways? Impossible! Go forward? Only thing to do! On we go!” So up he got, and trotted along with his little sword held in front of him and one hand feeling the wall, and his heart all of a patter and a pitter.” 
― J.R.R. Tolkien

It really will be okay

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Sometimes I forget that spring is coming.  Everything seems dry and dead and there is barely any color.  Locked in the bathroom, asking God why, I wonder if He really heard all of those silent, heartbroken pleas, the soulful dew faced prayers and the loud proclamations made, while pacing back and forth, my confident steps seemingly pounding the glorious truths out on the ground beneath me.   I prayed, I believed, I proclaimed, I professed but alas, the outcome was not as I expected.

For a moment, I am lost in self pity, it almost feels good.  Don’t I deserve it?  The flesh pleasing state of ME?  I realize my plan might not have been the best after all, I may have misunderstood God’s intended effect.  I feel hurt, forgotten and blind-sighted.  I could give in to this darkness, the cloak of heaviness the enemy is more than happy to shroud me in. I have been here before though and I know that choice leads me nowhere.

So, I take a deep breath and utter with the weakest trembling voice, “nevertheless, You are still God”. That profession alone awakens and revives that faith that I knew I had and suddenly, the day doesn’t seem quite so dark and dreary.  I let the truth of those words, sink in and suddenly I’m eager to escape my place of refuge and run toward the light.  A spirit fed river begins to course through me, leaving peace in every dark and shadowy place.  Like someone emerging from under the raging sea, gasping, I take a big gulp of redeemed life and am gently reminded in Whom I believe.

I open the door, walk out with strength in my step, a profession of life on my tongue and hope in my heart.  God still reigns.  Through all the turmoil, trials and tragedy of this earthly walk, He has been with me and brought me through every single time and He will again and again.  Victorious living, one day at a time.  He has already provided anything I really need.

I know that even if everything turned out according to my short-sighted, selfish plans, there would still be times like this.  There would still be days of loss and sadness, days of oppression, days when I need to do like David did and strengthen myself in the Lord.  I remind myself that His ways and His thoughts are higher than mine.  He can see so much more than I and so much farther into the future.  How arrogant of me to even presume for a moment that I can figure it all out?

This side of heaven, there will be trouble but the load is so much lighter if we let Him help us carry it.

Spring is on it’s way, it’s always right around the corner.  Will life be perfect?  No.  I won’t bury my head in the sand and pretend like it is or smile when I just can’t.  But deep inside, there is a peace that passes all understanding.  This peace reminds me of a time when I didn’t have it and that alone is cause for rejoicing.

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the former things have passed away.” And the One seated on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.”

Rev 21:4-5

 

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