It really will be okay

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Sometimes I forget that spring is coming.  Everything seems dry and dead and there is barely any color.  Locked in the bathroom, asking God why, I wonder if He really heard all of those silent, heartbroken pleas, the soulful dew faced prayers and the loud proclamations made, while pacing back and forth, my confident steps seemingly pounding the glorious truths out on the ground beneath me.   I prayed, I believed, I proclaimed, I professed but alas, the outcome was not as I expected.

For a moment, I am lost in self pity, it almost feels good.  Don’t I deserve it?  The flesh pleasing state of ME?  I realize my plan might not have been the best after all, I may have misunderstood God’s intended effect.  I feel hurt, forgotten and blind-sighted.  I could give in to this darkness, the cloak of heaviness the enemy is more than happy to shroud me in. I have been here before though and I know that choice leads me nowhere.

So, I take a deep breath and utter with the weakest trembling voice, “nevertheless, You are still God”. That profession alone awakens and revives that faith that I knew I had and suddenly, the day doesn’t seem quite so dark and dreary.  I let the truth of those words, sink in and suddenly I’m eager to escape my place of refuge and run toward the light.  A spirit fed river begins to course through me, leaving peace in every dark and shadowy place.  Like someone emerging from under the raging sea, gasping, I take a big gulp of redeemed life and am gently reminded in Whom I believe.

I open the door, walk out with strength in my step, a profession of life on my tongue and hope in my heart.  God still reigns.  Through all the turmoil, trials and tragedy of this earthly walk, He has been with me and brought me through every single time and He will again and again.  Victorious living, one day at a time.  He has already provided anything I really need.

I know that even if everything turned out according to my short-sighted, selfish plans, there would still be times like this.  There would still be days of loss and sadness, days of oppression, days when I need to do like David did and strengthen myself in the Lord.  I remind myself that His ways and His thoughts are higher than mine.  He can see so much more than I and so much farther into the future.  How arrogant of me to even presume for a moment that I can figure it all out?

This side of heaven, there will be trouble but the load is so much lighter if we let Him help us carry it.

Spring is on it’s way, it’s always right around the corner.  Will life be perfect?  No.  I won’t bury my head in the sand and pretend like it is or smile when I just can’t.  But deep inside, there is a peace that passes all understanding.  This peace reminds me of a time when I didn’t have it and that alone is cause for rejoicing.

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the former things have passed away.” And the One seated on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.”

Rev 21:4-5

 

Mid-Winter Musings

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It’s that time of year when many of the trees are bare except for a few stragglers; dried out crunchy leaves that shiver in the wind but seem to cling ever so tightly to the only home they have ever known.

The days can get overcast, over-long and over-dreary if you let them.  The beautiful colors of fall have disappeared and at first glance, we are left with a monotonous, almost colorless picture.

Oh, but if we look a little deeper, we may catch the flamboyant male cardinal, a mighty splash of red against a mass of drab, dry branches.  Or, we could admire the gentle descent of a pristine snowflake, falling, falling, falling.

One of the things that I find to love about winter is knowing that it’s hiding something beautiful in it’s depths.

Inside the sturdy tree bark, underneath the frozen ground, change is lurking.  Just when it looks like all is dead and cold, the chilly curtain of winter will close and colorful spring will arrive dancing, with all of it’s change and hustle and bustle.

I always say that God used seasons because we are such fickle creatures.  We get bored entirely too quickly.  As soon as spring arrives, we will pine for summer.

If you know me at all, you know that glorious fall is my favorite season of all, but I continue to enjoy the beauty in all of them.

Such is life…We have to learn to find the beauty in the seasons of our lives as well.  Hold fast, spring is coming!

 

While the earth remains, seed time and harvest, summer and winter, day and night shall not cease.  Genesis 8:22

Restful Saturday at home

There is something so deliciously satisfying about an afternoon nap; joyous partly due to the sheer infrequency you get to enjoy the pleasure.  There you are, adrift on the ocean of peaceful slumber so sweet, languidly waking, body warm beneath a cozy blanket.  Equally wonderful is slowly coming alive to the sounds of a fire […]

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Itsy bitsy what?

When my friend Dawn sent me a video of this beautiful web and told me maybe I could write a blog, I am sure this is not what she was thinking about. However, this little poem just came to me today and I had to capture it. Across the wall above it skims Propelled by […]

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Peace, peace wonderful peace

You know how some moments just stay with you, all of your days?  You couldn’t erase them from your memory, even if you tried?  I remember one of those days.  It started as a visit from a friend, who I’m sure was concerned about my well being after the recent loss of my mom.  I […]

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“Mommy, be my safe”

When my eldest was around 3 years old, she began to express her fears or concerns with her own original phrase that I thought was just precious. When we found ourselves in situations where there appeared to be a cause for concern, she would nestle her tiny little body up close to mine and quietly […]

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Thoughts on a summer day

Feet planted in a little green pool painted to resemble a watermelon, I’m thankful for the cool water while sitting on a scorching hot back deck.  I silently wonder how long my feet will be safe from toddler pee or if they have already been contaminated.  Considering I just polished off a blackberry after she […]

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Cherish the moment you’re in

What if we woke up thankful for the beauty of a new morning filled with mercy?  If we relished the fresh, cool running water we splashed on our face? if we savored every warm sip of our morning coffee or tea? If you are like me, you too often have your mind set on the […]

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Simmering pots and changing views

“Up, up”, cried the curly blonde headed toddler as I stirred the big simmering pot of lima beans.  The scent of supper hung in the air, tempting me to perform yet another taste test.  My pallet satisfied, I turned to put away the remains of the ham I has used to season my savory soup. […]

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The love in the No-nos

As Nana instead of mama, I can get tickled when my almost two year old granddaughter is testing my daughter.  I have earned that right but I am wise enough to hide my laughter.  My cousin’s wife has termed it being “rascally” when she starts acting like a little stinker.  This usually happens when she is fighting […]

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