Descent

Oh, let the wind blow cried the little leaf

While I hold on tight to this big oak tree

It’s not quite my time to make the journey down

Not until another hue of color I see

I’ll hang here and listen to the wind in the trees

And enjoy the crispness of an autumn breeze

But it’s not quite time to make my journey down

A little yellow like the others hanging close to me

Feeling like a pumpkin with this orangey glow

My grip a little looser as the days go by

It’s still not time to make my journey down

But I’m feeling pretty certain that soon I’ll fly

Flaming red and gorgeous although feeling old

Folks are smiling with delight as they gaze at me

Thinking more about making my journey down

This red is the highlight of my life, you see

Turning brown and crunchy with not much strength left

Leaves are dry and branches barren all around

Letting go with the next big gust of wind I feel

Soaring, gliding to an unknown destination on the ground

Misguided persistence

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“Stop nagging!” We have all heard it and we have may have said it to someone else. If you look in Webster, the definition is “persistently annoying or finding fault with someone”.

When I think about nagging, I am reminded of summer evenings, sitting outside trying to relax while being persistently and relentlessly pursed by a gnat. It buzzes around your face, your ears and nose, awaiting an opportunity to settle in and bite. It is this incessant, relentless pursuit that sends you running for the house or bug spray. You will do whatever it takes to make it stop.

That is exactly how I have found myself behaving with certain family members at times. They won’t sit still and just do what I want, what I think is best, so I continue with the constant buzzing, thinking I will get a different result. Meanwhile, my victim wants to shoo me away, to render me speechless or probably even smack me at times. When they think they have peace, there I am again. There is a reason the book of Proverbs says, “it’s better to live in a corner of a housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife”.

I used to plan a big long perfect tailored speech, assured that if I could just get my victim to sit still long enough, they would finally get it! They would finally open their eyes to the truth I was so anxious for them to discover. Now, might be a good time to clarify that I am not talking about teaching your children wrong or right, or lovingly steering them in the right direction. I’m not even talking about a good discussion with your spouse. Remember the definition for nagging is annoying and finding fault.

The constant nagging wears people down. It never results in good. You never figure out just the right way to verbalize things to get your way. You ultimately do more damage with your words, especially when they accuse and find fault. Remember, it’s just annoying buzzing. Eventually, they will learn to run and hide.

I believe that God looks at the heart. For example, say that I am firmly convinced that my child should do something because I think it’s in their best interest. And say that I am right in this case, because I’m not always. What if she does it for me, but only for me. That’s nice and it feels good for the moment but has her heart changed on the matter? If her heart hasn’t changed, will it last? If she hasn’t received the conviction for herself, in her spirit, she won’t be doing it because its something she believes in. So, in turn it doesn’t feel genuine, because it isn’t. I might feel good, but she doesn’t because she is betraying her heart. She may be wrong, but until she realizes it, it doesn’t matter.

I have learned the hard way that I get more flies with honey. If I just go about the business of loving my family members, like Jesus does (unconditionally), and pray for them, eventually things work out and never the way I would have done it.

What if I did win? What if my nagging paid off? Then I would feel worthy of the credit. I did it, I fixed her. But, the glory belongs to God and He will have it.

So, the more quickly we learn to surrender outcomes to the One who truly knows best, the easier it will be for us to relinquish our delusions of having control. When someone you love makes a choice for themselves or because God touched their heart about something, a genuine change occurs. This is between them and God. We all have to learn most things and certainly some of the most important ones for ourselves. If we truly believe how much God loves us and ours, we can find the faith to believe in a good outcome while we are waiting.


One step forward

Outside this morning, I remember being on my knees, in the dirt, pulling weeds.  I felt the slight pull from my incision site as I shifted positions and I was reminded how far I have come in just a few short weeks.  Mind you, as they passed, they felt like long grueling weeks.  Overwhelmed with […]

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It really will be okay

Sometimes I forget that spring is coming.  Everything seems dry and dead and there is barely any color.  Locked in the bathroom, asking God why, I wonder if He really heard all of those silent, heartbroken pleas, the soulful dew faced prayers and the loud proclamations made, while pacing back and forth, my confident steps […]

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Mid-Winter Musings

It’s that time of year when many of the trees are bare except for a few stragglers; dried out crunchy leaves that shiver in the wind but seem to cling ever so tightly to the only home they have ever known. The days can get overcast, over-long and over-dreary if you let them.  The beautiful […]

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Restful Saturday at home

There is something so deliciously satisfying about an afternoon nap; joyous partly due to the sheer infrequency you get to enjoy the pleasure.  There you are, adrift on the ocean of peaceful slumber so sweet, languidly waking, body warm beneath a cozy blanket.  Equally wonderful is slowly coming alive to the sounds of a fire […]

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Itsy bitsy what?

When my friend Dawn sent me a video of this beautiful web and told me maybe I could write a blog, I am sure this is not what she was thinking about. However, this little poem just came to me today and I had to capture it. Across the wall above it skims Propelled by […]

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Peace, peace wonderful peace

You know how some moments just stay with you, all of your days?  You couldn’t erase them from your memory, even if you tried?  I remember one of those days.  It started as a visit from a friend, who I’m sure was concerned about my well being after the recent loss of my mom.  I […]

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“Mommy, be my safe”

When my eldest was around 3 years old, she began to express her fears or concerns with her own original phrase that I thought was just precious. When we found ourselves in situations where there appeared to be a cause for concern, she would nestle her tiny little body up close to mine and quietly […]

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Thoughts on a summer day

Feet planted in a little green pool painted to resemble a watermelon, I’m thankful for the cool water while sitting on a scorching hot back deck.  I silently wonder how long my feet will be safe from toddler pee or if they have already been contaminated.  Considering I just polished off a blackberry after she […]

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