Family and Home – Long walks and dark chocolate

You can’t change their spots

May 12, 2016 3 Comments

My love and I in 94′

Since I like to impart knowledge to the younger crowd, I listen to their conversations with great attentiveness to things that bother them. When I hear them discussing relationships, my ears perk up because I have been married for 22 years and let’s just say I’ve learned a lot. So, in an attempt to save someone a little heartache or just to make you think, I wanted to share some thoughts. If you are currently in a relationship, it would behoove you to take great care to notice the things that irritate you now. Once you have been married for a few years, they will irritate you more. That cute little snuffling snore will become something you despise. Trust me on this one. I write more about it at Sleeping with the Enemy .

A good marriage is work; it doesn’t just happen and it’s not 50/50 like so many say; it requires each giving 100% for the best shot at making it work. Because it isn’t easy, you should be careful when you begin to consider a spouse; someone you intend to spend your life with (because in my opinion that should be the goal at the onset). If you are looking at it as something you can jump out of at a whim, you’re going in with the wrong attitude. Unfortunately, that seems to be how many younger folks see it, but I digress.

One of the things to consider is the fact that you cannot change someone. They are who and what they are and no amount of whining, griping, threatening, withholding or pouting is going to change that. That will only serve to make both of you more miserable. So, if you already have a growing list of the many things you do not like about your “love”, you better think long and hard about this.

When you’ve been married a couple of years and the baby has been up all night, the ac is out and your checkbook is in the negative, it takes patience and stick-to-itiveness. At times like these, when your knight in shining armor has let his facial hair get all prickly and he is sitting in his favorite spot in his boxers all puffed up like toad, you have to dig deep, sister. It’s not always like the movies…wait, it’s rarely ever like the movies.

What I am trying to convey is, don’t settle now thinking that your Mr. (or Mrs.) with the problem(s) is going to change once you marry, or once you have a baby, or once they get a job they like. If they have an addiction problem, they are going to carry it into the marriage and, in my opinion, keep it until they allow God to deliver them. If your “girl” has a spending problem, and you are very frugal, think twice or you might be paying off credit card debt for decades. If they aren’t romantic and you are sappy and schmaltzy and not happy if you aren’t having dinner by candlelight, think it through. I hear way too many of you young ones say, “Things will change when X happens”. No, they won’t. Don’t fool yourself.

No marriage is perfect, but figure out what your deal breakers are. I am saying this as a woman with a failed first marriage that lasted 10 years and a 2^nd one that has lasted 22. I love my husband dearly and I am grateful that we can talk things through and we have overcome many obstacles and have been through many storms together. We had family values in common and that is important. We don’t believe in going to bed mad so we don’t let things fester and get bitter over them. We are experts in the art of compromise. I would be remiss if I didn’t give glory to God for giving me the faith, grace and love to be a godly wife as I’m sure things wouldn’t have gone as well without His divine hand.

Remember what real love is and ask yourself if this is the kind of love you have. Obviously we all fail at some of this at times, but following is a good set of scriptures to meditate on and have been a source of strength for me in the darker hours. In the words of St Paul – Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Filed Under: Christian, Family and Home, Uncategorized Tagged With: Family, God, love, marriage, Relationships

Laughing with Mother

May 8, 2016 2 Comments

Mom loved getting cards!

With vivid clarity, I can remember her laughter coming from the other side of the Hallmark aisle, where she had found a card funnier than the one we had just shared a laugh over. She would say, “We better stop laughing so loud, or they are going to kick us out of here”. My sister will remember the good times in the Hallmark stores with Mother too. She loved cards, loved giving and receiving them and we could spend half an hour finding funny ones and reading them aloud to each other. Then, we would get the giggles and with tears coming from our eyes and our bellies sore from laughing, we would finally move on to another store.

This is just one of the memories I cherish with Mother, who went home to be with the Lord almost 20 years ago.

A couple of days ago, when I walked the aisles of the card store, picking out cards, I felt that old, familiar pang of loss like I always do around Mother’s Day and several other times throughout the year. You don’t ever stop missing a presence that made your world brighter. My mom was like a ray of sweet sunshine and anyone who knew her can attest to that.

So, for those missing your mom on this special day, who like me, have already experienced their departure from this world, take time to honor their memory today. Look at old pictures, laugh, reminisce. You can have one of those downright ugly cries and use a whole box of tissues if you need to. But when you’re done, get up and honor that memory by being the best mom you can be.

For those of you who have lost children or desperately long for them and are unable to bear them, my heart breaks for you and I pray God’s peace and presence with you on this day and always. If you don’t have children of your own, or yours are grown and gone, there are plenty in this world that need a mother figure to guide them. Surely there is one out there, just waiting and yearning for your nurturing. God instilled that nurturing in us and we can greatly impact this world if we share it freely and broadly.

And for those of you who don’t know your mother, don’t feel like you have one or maybe your childhood wasn’t like the ones you dreamed about; God bless you! And in the words of my daughter last night at dinner, “Jesus can be a mother or father to anyone who needs Him to be”. Yes He can. He can fulfill any desire that your heart is longing for.

Happy Mother’s Day my friends. Enjoy!

Filed Under: Christian, Family and Home, Uncategorized Tagged With: God, Grief Loss and Bereavement, love, Mother daughter relationship, Mother's Day

When life throws a curve ball

April 29, 2016 18 Comments

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It has been over a month since I’ve shared anything I have written and when I saw today’s prompt, “Curve”, I knew it was time.

When life throws a curve ball, we can back away in fear, freeze up and hope it flies by quickly with no pain, or we can plant our feet firmly, bend those knees and get ready to knock it out of the park. I am certainly no baseball expert, but you get my point.

With that said, let’s back up to the end of March when my youngest daughter’s pregnancy was going along smoothly. We had big plans for purchasing must have items, getting the baby room ready; you know… the normal things you do at this part of the journey.

Early April, she went for an ultrasound that indicated a problem with baby’s tummy, so she went to a specialist and found out she would likely be having a planned C-section and her baby would be having surgery to correct whatever the “bowel problem” was. The goal was to have her reach at least 36-38 weeks. This was our first curve ball and we all braced ourselves, thanked God that it wasn’t anything worse and re-evaluated plans.

As her little belly grew substantially due to the increase in amniotic fluid, she looked as though she would burst, and that she did at 32 weeks. Well, I guess burst is a strong word but I got a call in the wee hours of April 13^th, where her calm voice said, “Mom, my water broke, I guess we should go to the hospital”. Second curve ball here, and I was a little concerned because the specialist had just said the day before, “What we don’t want to happen is for her water to break and cause a placental abruption (tearing placenta away from uterus), as this will cause more complications”. Need I tell you exactly what happened?

Little Cali was born sporting a distended little belly not even an hour after arriving at the hospital via an emergency cesarean. Hours later, I stood with friends and family and watched a helicopter lift off taking her to Miami Children’s Hospital as my daughter, having lost 4 units of blood, was receiving transfusions and already lamenting being apart from her firstborn. The following day Cali had surgery and we breathed a sigh of relief and thanked God again when we received the news that she had done great.

Our daughter was having issues getting blood pressure down although she had never had a moment’s trouble with it before, more blood was needed and no one could see Cali except her mom or her dad. There were times when I felt like I was on a spinning ride at the fair, nauseous and needing to get off, but there was no end in sight. However, most of the time, I felt peace; wonderful, beautiful peace.

You see, I believe the entire bible and I know that the rain falls on the just and the unjust. I know that God has a plan, whether I can see it or understand it and I have faith that He will be with me through the storms of life. He has been for years. Specific storms may cease, but storms in general will continue to show up in this life. We all anxiously await a time when everything is comfy, cozy and peaceful forevermore and that won’t happen this side of heaven. The sooner we realize that and come to terms with it; we will stop waiting for tomorrow and live in the present.

With God on my side, I can brace up against the storms of life, knowing I have an advocate. Don’t bother questioning me about His faithfulness because I am a lifelong fan. With Him on my side, I can face any curve ball that life throws me with the confidence that He will never leave me or forsake me. Like my favorite song says, “Your love surrounds me in the eye of the storm”.

We have felt the love and hand of God in so many ways in the past few weeks. We felt it as we held hands with our loyal and faithful Pastor as she led us in prayer, we felt it in the love expressed by family, friends and community, we felt it when doctors used the word “miracle”. We have received monetary donations, cards, gifts, phone calls, messages, fundraisers lovingly set up by friends, hotel bookings, decals for our cars, flowers, food, house cleaning, baby crib and room finishing and most importantly lots of prayers! I have probably forgotten something and if I have, I ask for mercy. The outpouring of love has been overwhelming and our families will never forget it.

So, batter up – face that pitch – Thank you for your prayers for our baby Cali. She is doing very well and we are trusting God for His will.

The pitcher has got only a ball. I’ve got a bat. So the percentage of weapons is in my favor and I let the fellow with the ball do the fretting.

— Hank Aaron

Filed Under: Christian, Family and Home, Uncategorized Tagged With: babies, childbirth, children, granddaughter, grandparent, premature

Daily Prompt: Shelf

March 18, 2016 Leave a Comment

My eldest, Ashley with Chompers, her first gift from her Nana

The moment I saw Today’s prompt, I knew what I would write about. This is a poem representing the word “shelf”.

I was sitting in Cracker Barrel, with many just like me

Just wondering if I would ever have a home

When as I pondered this, I felt myself airborne

Oh no, please not a child whose left to roam

The torture never ends for us, the bruises and the nicks

Not to mention sticky fingers and the floor

But this time, the touch felt different. Should I dare to harbor hope?

Can it be as Grandpa said? Could there be more?

I stole a glance at my captor’s face, and she returned my smile

She held me out to have a look, to ponder me from afar

She said, “This one is perfect, I knew it from the start

Before I knew it, I’d been purchased and was riding in her car.

Or course I was ecstatic, and couldn’t wait to see my home

She took me to a room all filled with flowers and love

A beautiful, tiny baby slept, a sight she was to see

It was then I knew for sure that I had been blessed from above.

When I was new, my coat did shine, my clothes they were pristine

My eyes were bright and bore no scratches from wear and tear

I was gifted by this Nana to this amazing baby girl

Oh the fun that we would have, the love we’d share

I kept her warm on chilly nights and was always there to hug

As the years flew by, she took me everywhere she went

She grew up fast and stayed so busy, I didn’t see her as much

Though our time together grew less and less, I knew how much I meant

Even though I am old and torn, she has keep me all these years

And she used to pick me up to reminisce,

To think upon our memories, the days and nights of fun

Lately though, I’m afraid she’s grown remiss

So, I’m waiting patiently for the day that she recalls

One more hug will be appreciated, in and of itself

But until then, I’m sitting here just watching everything

Just wishing and just hoping, on the shelf.

Filed Under: Family and Home, Poetry, Uncategorized Tagged With: childhood, Daily Prompt, growing up, poetry, reminiscing, teddy bear

Daily Prompt: Envy

March 16, 2016 1 Comment

Today’s Prompt was to write using the word “Envy”.

Proverbs 14:30 says, “A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot.”

When I find myself feeling envious towards another person or something they have, it reminds me that I need to pray. I need to spend time with God and reflect on what has diminished my typical contentment.

Nine times out of ten, I find that it can always be traced back to my perception of lack in “things”, “stuff”, “worldly goods”. The more we allow our focus to be on the material things instead of the lasting things and the heavenly things, the more often we will find ourselves desiring more of them.

We are never satisfied with “stuff”, so it is pointless to put all of our energy and focus into mere things that leave no lasting legacy, things we can’t take with us.

Envy can overcome both the young and the old, but I see it more in the young. I think this is just because they haven’t lived life long enough to realize what really matters. If I could give those younger than me some advice, I would tell them not to be so desirous of a bigger car, a more expensive house, and designer duds. I would tell them to covet a loving, generous heart, a kind and gentle spirit, a forgiving attitude; lasting things; traits that will make living this roller coaster life so much sweeter.

I am thankful for the lessons learned and the avenue to share with others and that is a good thing. Because, I find that the more thankful I am for what I have, the more content I become.

For similar posts, see The Little Foxes or Regrets; I’ve had a few

Filed Under: Family and Home, Inspirational, Uncategorized Tagged With: Daily Prompt, envious, envy, forgiveness, generosity, God, lessons learned

Daily Prompt: Fleeting

March 14, 2016 3 Comments

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Today’s prompt was to use the word fleeting in a post.

This topic reminded me of all the times we are left with a fleeting glance. In many cases, the memories of these momentary glimpses are anything but fleeting.

Mom’s waving hand as you embark on your first ever bus ride

The emotional, yet proud look your mom or dad gives you at graduation

The bob of a little blonde ponytail as it retreats the first day they walk to class alone

Her tail lights the first time she drives away from home with bags packed

The crestfallen little face from the car seat when the visit is over and she has to go home

There are many more memories like this; sometimes romantic and sometimes sentimental. They are good material for stories and poetry and backdrops to some of our most memorable events.

Filed Under: Family and Home, Uncategorized Tagged With: Daily Prompt, fleeting, memories

My rant about nude selfies

March 10, 2016 8 Comments

What you do

The last two daily prompts were to write about the words Object and Legacy, so I thought I’d kill two birds with one stone.

What kind of legacy is this generation leaving to the next when we have “famous” people posting nude selfies on social media which any teenager in this country has access to? Bodies are treated like mere objects to attract attention. I am a woman and I want to be treated like a woman; all of me, for all of my attributes; my personality, my sense of humor, my compassion and gifts of love.

The sidebar on Facebook, you know the one that alerts inquiring minds to what is currently “trending” often makes me cringe. The very word trending implies that these topics are getting the most attention. Sadly, this reminds me that the reality is, the more immoral and depraved the topic, the more attention it gets. Of course, I must say in all fairness that it is possible and even likely that much of the attention towards some of it is negative.

Normally, I prefer not to give a second thought to the subjects that evoke negative thoughts, but what I have noticed over the past couple of days has angered me and I can no longer remain silent. I couldn’t allow fear of the opinions of the “anything goes” crowd to dissuade me.

First and foremost, my number one responsibility as a Christ follower is to pray for the women to whom I allude. I have and I will continue to. Instead of calling names and bashing individuals, I would rather talk about the behavior.

With all that said, what compels someone to stand in front of a mirror, nude and take a selfie to be posted to social media for the entire world to see? Is it vanity, an uncontrollable desire for attention, a publicity stunt? Maybe it’s a combination of all of those things. And do others imitate “in support” because they truly care about the first offender, or because they are jumping at the chance for self-promotion or attention as well?

Of course, and I’m speaking generally here, we as a nation are at fault because if we didn’t create the demand, it wouldn’t be supplied. We watch it, we buy the books and magazines and upload the songs and then wonder why morality is at an all time low.

What does it say about us as a nation and as a generation of women who tolerate and at times agree with such ludicrous behavior? I think many of us have become fearful to speak out against it because we can rest assured that we will be attacked, deemed judgmental and called fanatical conservatives.

If you really care about other women, why would you help to cultivate a mindset that promotes the belief that we are just sexual objects? What about the girls, and women who have self-image problems; the ones who don’t have unlimited resources and a personal chef? You send a message that isn’t realistic or responsible.

Unless we buy more time at a plastic surgeons office, our looks will fade. We need to focus on the qualities that remain; the qualities that actually increase as we grow in wisdom and experience. Ask yourself if you are growing in goodness and mercy, in kindness and compassion. Are you increasing in discernment and empathy?

It’s not just the fact that as a Christian, I see my body as the temple of the Holy Spirit; it’s the fact that as a woman, wife and mother, I want to be a feminine woman of dignity.

Ladies and gentlemen, please stop lining the pockets of people who are sending this type of message to the masses. Let’s teach our young women to have self-respect and to be women of honor. We can be part of the solution. We can help influence this generation of impressionable young woman in a more virtuous direction, a direction that won’t leave them dying (sometimes literally) to fit a standard that isn’t real.

We were created in the image of God and for His glory; now that’s a standard to live up to.

Blessings!

P.S. This isn’t my typical post and I sincerely hope my words are received as intended; from a woman who is very grieved with the trend towards depravity in society and truly hopes and prays for change.

Filed Under: Family and Home, Uncategorized Tagged With: Daily Prompt, immorality, selfie

Lessons from a mockingbird

March 9, 2016 1 Comment

You may have read some of my other posts where I talk about how God always teaches me little lessons or shows me things if I just pay attention to His creation.

My husband and I, now that we are getting older, love to watch the various birds that frequent our back yard. Since he is a fishing guide, the pelicans follow him home, but his favorite is a little blue heron that comes to visit every afternoon. If the little guy is fortunate, he gets scraps as the fish get cleaned.

My preference though are the cardinals. Since they live here year round, I always keep food in their feeder. There are several pairs that live in the dense mangroves across the creek from us, so you can find them almost any time of day near the feeder in the winter and spring. In summer, it seems like they are a little more elusive. I am sure the intense heat has something to do with that.

Recently, I have become acquainted with (the best I can anyway) with a fat little mockingbird. She sits on our fence or atop the stalks of red berries on our Christmas palm tree. The photo below only shows one stalk and there are currently four on this tree and two on the tree in our front yard. My point being, she has plenty.

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She pecks at the berries until one falls to the ground and then she quickly grabs it and runs into a more sheltered area with it. She constantly watches for other birds and chases mostly black birds and mourning doves away all day long. They aren’t allowed to land within about a five foot perimeter of “her” tree. Don’t tell me it isn’t fun to bird watch, although my youngest teases me about the pleasure I derive from my birds.

Anyway, to get to my lesson. The other day, as you can see in the video above, she had her berry and was enjoying a feast. If you look closely you can see a cardinal hiding in the bush behind her and a black bird walks by behind it. The cardinal and the black bird are merely after the bird feeder which is to the left of the greedy little mockingbird. They do not appear to be remotely interested in her berries and they don’t eat them when she isn’t around.

However, you can see in the video at the very end, she chases them away. She wastes effort getting stressed, and chasing them away from what is hers. She covets her berry and thinks everyone wants what she has. She misinterprets their motive and gets it all wrong. Can you see the lesson? Aren’t we like that sometimes? We think everyone wants what is ours and we get in defensive mode and get our blood pressure up for naught. And for what? There were enough berries for everyone and no one else was interested in them anyway.

I love God’s little lessons in nature and I love to watch His glorious creatures living out their roles in His magnificent creation.

Filed Under: Family and Home, Uncategorized Tagged With: birds, cardinals, Creation, lessons from God, mockingbird

Daily Prompt: Inevitable

March 6, 2016 7 Comments

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The Daily Prompt was to use the word “inevitable” in a post.

I look at her tiny little body with it’s protruding little belly, the glow of pending motherhood shining on her face.

Wasn’t it just yesterday, I sat in this same living room with her dad in domestic bliss ooing and ahhing over her gymnastic abilities already apparent as my swollen belly jumped and heaved with her somersaults?

In a mere matter of a couple of months, my baby will bring her baby into this world. My blonde smiling, whimsical cherub will be a mother.

But I guess it was inevitable.

Filed Under: Family and Home, Uncategorized Tagged With: babies, Daily Prompt, daughter, moher, mother daughter love

Daily Prompt: Secret

March 1, 2016 2 Comments

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Today’s Daily Prompt was to write a post in response to the word secret.

Do you promise not to tell? Of course, I promise, I won’t tell a living soul.

How many times have you been told that only to have your dirty laundry or even your clean but private laundry shared all over town? Why is it so difficult for people to keep a secret?

We love to know things and we also love to tell them.

There is something that makes us feel special when a secret is finally revealed and we can say with a big grin on our face, “Oh yes, I already knew that.” This gives us the feeling that we were special enough to know it before others and I guess that’s true, unless there is a significant reason for your knowing.

Although I am pretty special, I had to keep a secret for my daughter recently and it was only to ensure that her friends and I could pull off the party and buy the appropriate supplies.

She made me keep a secret that was a tough one; the gender of her baby, who will arrive in June. A few years ago I had never heard of a gender reveal party. Now, they are THE trendy thing to do. Creative people all over the world have figured out unique ways to reveal their secret. We just did the pink candy in the middle of a cake, but I recently saw photos on Facebook of someone shooting pink paint balls and another where blue confetti burst out of a piñata.

Whatever type of secret you’re entrusted with, keep it. Otherwise, you ruin your chances of ever being told another one, and that’s only fair.

“Debate thy cause with thy neighbour himself; and discover not a secret to another:” Proverbs 25:9

Filed Under: Family and Home, Uncategorized Tagged With: Daily Prompt, gender reveal, secret, shhhh

You can’t change their spots

Laughing with Mother

When life throws a curve ball

Daily Prompt: Shelf

Daily Prompt: Envy

Daily Prompt: Fleeting

My rant about nude selfies

Lessons from a mockingbird

Daily Prompt: Inevitable

Daily Prompt: Secret

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