We sat there in the dark watching her fight sleep, contorting her little face every which way trying to hold on to her binky when it threatens to fall. A binky is otherwise known as a pacifier for those of you who may not have heard it referred to that way. She loves that thing. I’ve heard folks voice their opinions on them both pro and con and have probably stated my own in the past and likely in a negative way to some poor new parent. This is something else I have learned; don’t judge the child still sucking a binky or maybe still wearing diapers. I don’t know their journey.
Cali will be 5 months old on the 13th of this month and all she knows up until now is the inside of a room without outside windows. It is mostly white and very sterile. Thankfully, we can dress up the crib a bit and bring some toys in, but it’s just not home. We can’t roll around in the floor or fall asleep with her nestled on our chest. We have to wear yellow gowns to hold her and she is still attached to several lines or tubes.
I try to imagine her discharge day and the way her little eyes will behold so much newness in one day. She will leave the room she has grown up in thus far, see sunlight, ride in a car, see her own home and sleep in a new bed. As anxious as I am for all of this to occur, my heart goes out to these little ones making these big adjustments. They are used to the whiteness, the machines, the beeping and blinking and the cries of other little ones. Maybe I’m just emotional because this is my little granddaughter, but it’s something I have never once thought about until now.
I am determined to learn from this experience, resolved to be a better person because of it, and adamant about increasing in compassion and empathy for others. This brings to mind the verse in Hebrews, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are–yet he did not sin.”
We should be able to empathize with the weaknesses of others and consider their voyage through this life and the ups and downs and tests and turmoil. Maybe I’m being too transparent when I admit how blind to the predicaments of others I have been in the past. Perhaps some of you will think less of me because of it. But, when I decided to have a blog, I always intended to openly share experiences, always hoping my stories would help shed light on someone else’s path.
I am sincerely grateful to God for every opportunity I get to show love and compassion to someone else, even though I still often fail Him. I still fail in recognizing needs or simply stay too busy to do all that I would like to. You know, part of loving others starts with really listening, taking time enough to know a need exists. We are a busy people and we have to make a point to slow down and be attentive, even in our own families.
PS – Cali is doing much better. They removed her PICC line this week. Her bottle feeding has increased greatly as tube feeding has decreased. She is up to 8 lbs 1 oz and if she continues to do well on feeds and continues to gain weight, our discharge date will be closer 🙂
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Was the game called Sorry where you move game piece forward or back based on where you land? The other day my daughter said, “Two steps forward and ten steps back” and I visualized that game. She was referring to her baby’s progress this week after three months in the NICU. She was frustrated, exhausted both physically and mentally and was exaggerating just a tad. It would have been easy for me to say something trite like, “Well, it could be worse”, or “All in good time”, but I knew it was better to just stay silent and try to rub the knot out of her neck. I know my daughter and her patience level was waxing thin on that particular day.
Long walks and dark chocolate 