Family and Home – Long walks and dark chocolate

Forward progress

July 19, 2016 3 Comments

13511042_10154214939926763_6505748762857644676_n Was the game called Sorry where you move game piece forward or back based on where you land? The other day my daughter said, “Two steps forward and ten steps back” and I visualized that game. She was referring to her baby’s progress this week after three months in the NICU. She was frustrated, exhausted both physically and mentally and was exaggerating just a tad. It would have been easy for me to say something trite like, “Well, it could be worse”, or “All in good time”, but I knew it was better to just stay silent and try to rub the knot out of her neck. I know my daughter and her patience level was waxing thin on that particular day.

I have learned that sometimes it is just better to say nothing. I should say that I am learning this, because I certainly haven’t mastered it. I have an entire library of “go to” clichés that are completely useless or even irritating in situations that I fail miserably at recognizing on occasion. Sometimes a smile or a hug or just your being there does more to ease the angst of the weary than a thousand words could ever do. Often, just listening is all that is needed; we don’t always have to feel compelled to “fix” things. This is hard for me, I will admit. I want to give advice, answers, help resolve and implement ideas! But, as I said, I am learning.

I don’t have the time or inclination to delve into the multitude of issues that I’ve been faced with in the last few months. However, suffice it to say that I understand being too tired to talk or too mentally exhausted to answer a simple question without emotions turning into teardrops. With that said, I know in whom I trust and I can approach my trials and tribulations without fear and with faith. This doesn’t mean I won’t get bone tired sometimes and need to seek a quiet peaceful place to re-fresh myself for the next battle. (Yes, there will be more this side of heaven.)

What always compels me though to think I have to have an answer or suggestion for every tough situation I see others going through? I don’t know. Most of the time, I truly believe it’s that I really do want to help and soothe someone’s heart and I’m just not always sure of how best to accomplish that. I do know that I had NO idea what people were going through when they spent months at a hospital with their child until our precious Cali was born.

Sheepishly, I think back at how silly or even heartless some of my pre-Cali comments must have sounded to others. The thing is, we really do not know what anyone is going through unless we have walked in those same shoes and even then, experiences still vary from person to person even in the same scenario.

It amazes me that even in the tough times; God teaches us if we let Him. As we go through pain, if we follow His lead, we can grow in the midst of it. We can come out on the other side with a better understanding of mercy, with more empathy.

The other day as we pulled into the hospital park lot, my daughter (who still needs to learn patience) was complaining about the SUV in front of us. She was anxious to get up to the 2^nd floor and love on her baby, and this car was too slow, and in the way. She spouted off something negative and I found myself right smack dab in the middle of a teaching moment. I gently reminded her that the person in the car could be arriving at the hospital for the first time with a sick child, or leaving alone, never to bring theirs home. She got my point and I have noticed her growing in grace through all of this.

So, have patience with me and I will try to have more patience with you. Forgive me when I say all the wrong things or end up doing nothing because I didn’t know what to do. As for me, I pray to practice giving people the benefit of the doubt, to recognize that their day might be going worse than mine and to try not to offer up trite, commonplace sentiments when a hug or a prayer might serve them better.

Filed Under: Family and Home, Inspirational, Uncategorized Tagged With: children, empathy, love, mercy, Patience

Daily Prompt: Journey

July 13, 2016 1 Comment

Here’s a quick poem for today’s prompt….Journey

corduroy

Journey

I’m going on a journey

Don’t be surprised to see me smile

Please don’t try to bring me back

I’ll be gone a little while

I’ll back up from today

To a time when they were small

I’ll put years in reverse

Like they never passed at all

I’ll enjoy the chubby fists

And little chins covered with goo

The bumbling first steps

And baths and bedtimes too

The sleepless nights year after year

For one reason or another

From leaking diapers to broken hearts

Mom helped them to recover

This worn and yellowed photo album

Is bursting at the seams

It overflows with memories

Of their accomplishments and dreams

Yes, I’ve reminisced a while

So I’ll journey homeward very soon

Oops, I’ve been distracted now

With Corduroy and Goodnight Moon

Filed Under: Family and Home, Poetry, Uncategorized Tagged With: books for children, children, empty nest, Family, missing you, poetry, silly poems

Life is a saga

May 22, 2016 3 Comments

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Life is a saga, a long and complicated story with many details. It doesn’t matter who you are, if you live very long at all this applies. Our life begins on page one, with our birth and if you have ever been in a room of women discussing childbirth, that can be a saga in itself. We live, we learn, we grow and we change.

We all have a story but it’s what we do with our stories that can make a difference. I was discussing this a little bit in my Sunday school class this morning. We go through things sometimes that make no sense, seasons filled with trials and tribulations. They are going to touch each one of us, but oh the difference when we allow God to teach us through them instead of sinking and wallowing in a big warm pile of self-pity.

I’m not saying not to grieve or that it’s wrong to cry, but when we’re done, get up and move on and let what we have learned, even when it was a tough, teach someone else. Some of the things I have been through in my life have allowed me to counsel or encourage other mothers or wives who are now going through the same thing. Can God really take that year of weeping and hurting and use it to impart healing in someone else? Why, yes He can and I can attest to having been on the giving and receiving end of both trial and help.

At times we try to pretend like we don’t know the meaning of grief or affliction and I’m not sure why, as we all are familiar with its sting. As I’ve mentioned in other posts, as long as we are this side of heaven, we will encounter difficulty. It’s how we deal with it that sets us apart.

Wouldn’t it be great to know that your saga didn’t end at your death because even after your demise other lives were still touched because of you? I think we all want to leave this world knowing we have imparted wisdom, hope and truth into others.

I was cleaning out a closet the other day and found an old journal of my mother’s. I’m sure I saw it and positive that I would have looked inside near the time of her death. The other day coming across the old treasure again I opened it up and saw that old familiar handwriting on the yellowing front page. For some reason I leafed through the other pages and buried in the middle were about five more pages that I had never seen before. They were written in and around December of 95’ and into the first months of January 96’. Mom died in June of 96’ so these “new” words were like gold to me. They were a new discovery of some of her personal thoughts in her final months. More of the saga of her much shortened life and they meant so much to me. They touched me and as I read them, I again felt her faith and strength. She imparted another precious gift to me almost twenty years after she met Jesus.

I was blessed to have a mother whose wisdom and guidance has served me well over the course of my life. Whether we are mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters or friends, we too can choose to let our stories help us grow into better people and use their lessons to love on others. Isn’t that part of what love is all about?

Daily Prompt: Saga

Filed Under: Christian, Family and Home, Inspirational, Uncategorized Tagged With: Daily Post, Daily Prompt, Family, God, life, love, saga, stories

Daily Prompt: Pensive

May 19, 2016 6 Comments

12183926_10153666325746763_7447737793838516270_o The Daily Prompt was pensive; below is my humble offering….

She sat there, dreamily staring out the window; both hands around her favorite cup, which was still warm from the hot tea he had watched her pour earlier. She was in a pensive mood.

He was familiar with her moods and he’d seen this particular one more after the kids were gone. She would stare out the window, a hint of sadness on her face, sometimes wiping a tear from her eye. He was pretty sure he understood how she felt, but sometimes he wasn’t quite sure how to help. She had also mentioned some lady issue that started with an “m” that made her a little more moody on some days.

He walked over to her chair and embraced her in a hug and said, “Are you missing the girls, babe?” She said, “Yes” with a shaky voice. He gently pulled her up from her favorite chair and she melted into the arms that had held her close for over 20 years.

After a long embrace he asked, “How about we go across the bay and catch dinner?” The smile twinkled in her eyes before it reached her lips and he knew he had brought her back from the walk down nostalgia lane. She ran to grab a jacket and he smiled knowing he had been her hero once again.

Filed Under: Family and Home, Uncategorized Tagged With: Daily Post, Daily Prompt, hero, love, marriage

You can’t change their spots

May 12, 2016 3 Comments

My love and I in 94′

Since I like to impart knowledge to the younger crowd, I listen to their conversations with great attentiveness to things that bother them. When I hear them discussing relationships, my ears perk up because I have been married for 22 years and let’s just say I’ve learned a lot. So, in an attempt to save someone a little heartache or just to make you think, I wanted to share some thoughts. If you are currently in a relationship, it would behoove you to take great care to notice the things that irritate you now. Once you have been married for a few years, they will irritate you more. That cute little snuffling snore will become something you despise. Trust me on this one. I write more about it at Sleeping with the Enemy .

A good marriage is work; it doesn’t just happen and it’s not 50/50 like so many say; it requires each giving 100% for the best shot at making it work. Because it isn’t easy, you should be careful when you begin to consider a spouse; someone you intend to spend your life with (because in my opinion that should be the goal at the onset). If you are looking at it as something you can jump out of at a whim, you’re going in with the wrong attitude. Unfortunately, that seems to be how many younger folks see it, but I digress.

One of the things to consider is the fact that you cannot change someone. They are who and what they are and no amount of whining, griping, threatening, withholding or pouting is going to change that. That will only serve to make both of you more miserable. So, if you already have a growing list of the many things you do not like about your “love”, you better think long and hard about this.

When you’ve been married a couple of years and the baby has been up all night, the ac is out and your checkbook is in the negative, it takes patience and stick-to-itiveness. At times like these, when your knight in shining armor has let his facial hair get all prickly and he is sitting in his favorite spot in his boxers all puffed up like toad, you have to dig deep, sister. It’s not always like the movies…wait, it’s rarely ever like the movies.

What I am trying to convey is, don’t settle now thinking that your Mr. (or Mrs.) with the problem(s) is going to change once you marry, or once you have a baby, or once they get a job they like. If they have an addiction problem, they are going to carry it into the marriage and, in my opinion, keep it until they allow God to deliver them. If your “girl” has a spending problem, and you are very frugal, think twice or you might be paying off credit card debt for decades. If they aren’t romantic and you are sappy and schmaltzy and not happy if you aren’t having dinner by candlelight, think it through. I hear way too many of you young ones say, “Things will change when X happens”. No, they won’t. Don’t fool yourself.

No marriage is perfect, but figure out what your deal breakers are. I am saying this as a woman with a failed first marriage that lasted 10 years and a 2^nd one that has lasted 22. I love my husband dearly and I am grateful that we can talk things through and we have overcome many obstacles and have been through many storms together. We had family values in common and that is important. We don’t believe in going to bed mad so we don’t let things fester and get bitter over them. We are experts in the art of compromise. I would be remiss if I didn’t give glory to God for giving me the faith, grace and love to be a godly wife as I’m sure things wouldn’t have gone as well without His divine hand.

Remember what real love is and ask yourself if this is the kind of love you have. Obviously we all fail at some of this at times, but following is a good set of scriptures to meditate on and have been a source of strength for me in the darker hours. In the words of St Paul – Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Filed Under: Christian, Family and Home, Uncategorized Tagged With: Family, God, love, marriage, Relationships

Laughing with Mother

May 8, 2016 2 Comments

Mom loved getting cards!

With vivid clarity, I can remember her laughter coming from the other side of the Hallmark aisle, where she had found a card funnier than the one we had just shared a laugh over. She would say, “We better stop laughing so loud, or they are going to kick us out of here”. My sister will remember the good times in the Hallmark stores with Mother too. She loved cards, loved giving and receiving them and we could spend half an hour finding funny ones and reading them aloud to each other. Then, we would get the giggles and with tears coming from our eyes and our bellies sore from laughing, we would finally move on to another store.

This is just one of the memories I cherish with Mother, who went home to be with the Lord almost 20 years ago.

A couple of days ago, when I walked the aisles of the card store, picking out cards, I felt that old, familiar pang of loss like I always do around Mother’s Day and several other times throughout the year. You don’t ever stop missing a presence that made your world brighter. My mom was like a ray of sweet sunshine and anyone who knew her can attest to that.

So, for those missing your mom on this special day, who like me, have already experienced their departure from this world, take time to honor their memory today. Look at old pictures, laugh, reminisce. You can have one of those downright ugly cries and use a whole box of tissues if you need to. But when you’re done, get up and honor that memory by being the best mom you can be.

For those of you who have lost children or desperately long for them and are unable to bear them, my heart breaks for you and I pray God’s peace and presence with you on this day and always. If you don’t have children of your own, or yours are grown and gone, there are plenty in this world that need a mother figure to guide them. Surely there is one out there, just waiting and yearning for your nurturing. God instilled that nurturing in us and we can greatly impact this world if we share it freely and broadly.

And for those of you who don’t know your mother, don’t feel like you have one or maybe your childhood wasn’t like the ones you dreamed about; God bless you! And in the words of my daughter last night at dinner, “Jesus can be a mother or father to anyone who needs Him to be”. Yes He can. He can fulfill any desire that your heart is longing for.

Happy Mother’s Day my friends. Enjoy!

Filed Under: Christian, Family and Home, Uncategorized Tagged With: God, Grief Loss and Bereavement, love, Mother daughter relationship, Mother's Day

When life throws a curve ball

April 29, 2016 18 Comments

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It has been over a month since I’ve shared anything I have written and when I saw today’s prompt, “Curve”, I knew it was time.

When life throws a curve ball, we can back away in fear, freeze up and hope it flies by quickly with no pain, or we can plant our feet firmly, bend those knees and get ready to knock it out of the park. I am certainly no baseball expert, but you get my point.

With that said, let’s back up to the end of March when my youngest daughter’s pregnancy was going along smoothly. We had big plans for purchasing must have items, getting the baby room ready; you know… the normal things you do at this part of the journey.

Early April, she went for an ultrasound that indicated a problem with baby’s tummy, so she went to a specialist and found out she would likely be having a planned C-section and her baby would be having surgery to correct whatever the “bowel problem” was. The goal was to have her reach at least 36-38 weeks. This was our first curve ball and we all braced ourselves, thanked God that it wasn’t anything worse and re-evaluated plans.

As her little belly grew substantially due to the increase in amniotic fluid, she looked as though she would burst, and that she did at 32 weeks. Well, I guess burst is a strong word but I got a call in the wee hours of April 13^th, where her calm voice said, “Mom, my water broke, I guess we should go to the hospital”. Second curve ball here, and I was a little concerned because the specialist had just said the day before, “What we don’t want to happen is for her water to break and cause a placental abruption (tearing placenta away from uterus), as this will cause more complications”. Need I tell you exactly what happened?

Little Cali was born sporting a distended little belly not even an hour after arriving at the hospital via an emergency cesarean. Hours later, I stood with friends and family and watched a helicopter lift off taking her to Miami Children’s Hospital as my daughter, having lost 4 units of blood, was receiving transfusions and already lamenting being apart from her firstborn. The following day Cali had surgery and we breathed a sigh of relief and thanked God again when we received the news that she had done great.

Our daughter was having issues getting blood pressure down although she had never had a moment’s trouble with it before, more blood was needed and no one could see Cali except her mom or her dad. There were times when I felt like I was on a spinning ride at the fair, nauseous and needing to get off, but there was no end in sight. However, most of the time, I felt peace; wonderful, beautiful peace.

You see, I believe the entire bible and I know that the rain falls on the just and the unjust. I know that God has a plan, whether I can see it or understand it and I have faith that He will be with me through the storms of life. He has been for years. Specific storms may cease, but storms in general will continue to show up in this life. We all anxiously await a time when everything is comfy, cozy and peaceful forevermore and that won’t happen this side of heaven. The sooner we realize that and come to terms with it; we will stop waiting for tomorrow and live in the present.

With God on my side, I can brace up against the storms of life, knowing I have an advocate. Don’t bother questioning me about His faithfulness because I am a lifelong fan. With Him on my side, I can face any curve ball that life throws me with the confidence that He will never leave me or forsake me. Like my favorite song says, “Your love surrounds me in the eye of the storm”.

We have felt the love and hand of God in so many ways in the past few weeks. We felt it as we held hands with our loyal and faithful Pastor as she led us in prayer, we felt it in the love expressed by family, friends and community, we felt it when doctors used the word “miracle”. We have received monetary donations, cards, gifts, phone calls, messages, fundraisers lovingly set up by friends, hotel bookings, decals for our cars, flowers, food, house cleaning, baby crib and room finishing and most importantly lots of prayers! I have probably forgotten something and if I have, I ask for mercy. The outpouring of love has been overwhelming and our families will never forget it.

So, batter up – face that pitch – Thank you for your prayers for our baby Cali. She is doing very well and we are trusting God for His will.

The pitcher has got only a ball. I’ve got a bat. So the percentage of weapons is in my favor and I let the fellow with the ball do the fretting.

— Hank Aaron

Filed Under: Christian, Family and Home, Uncategorized Tagged With: babies, childbirth, children, granddaughter, grandparent, premature

Daily Prompt: Shelf

March 18, 2016 Leave a Comment

My eldest, Ashley with Chompers, her first gift from her Nana

The moment I saw Today’s prompt, I knew what I would write about. This is a poem representing the word “shelf”.

I was sitting in Cracker Barrel, with many just like me

Just wondering if I would ever have a home

When as I pondered this, I felt myself airborne

Oh no, please not a child whose left to roam

The torture never ends for us, the bruises and the nicks

Not to mention sticky fingers and the floor

But this time, the touch felt different. Should I dare to harbor hope?

Can it be as Grandpa said? Could there be more?

I stole a glance at my captor’s face, and she returned my smile

She held me out to have a look, to ponder me from afar

She said, “This one is perfect, I knew it from the start

Before I knew it, I’d been purchased and was riding in her car.

Or course I was ecstatic, and couldn’t wait to see my home

She took me to a room all filled with flowers and love

A beautiful, tiny baby slept, a sight she was to see

It was then I knew for sure that I had been blessed from above.

When I was new, my coat did shine, my clothes they were pristine

My eyes were bright and bore no scratches from wear and tear

I was gifted by this Nana to this amazing baby girl

Oh the fun that we would have, the love we’d share

I kept her warm on chilly nights and was always there to hug

As the years flew by, she took me everywhere she went

She grew up fast and stayed so busy, I didn’t see her as much

Though our time together grew less and less, I knew how much I meant

Even though I am old and torn, she has keep me all these years

And she used to pick me up to reminisce,

To think upon our memories, the days and nights of fun

Lately though, I’m afraid she’s grown remiss

So, I’m waiting patiently for the day that she recalls

One more hug will be appreciated, in and of itself

But until then, I’m sitting here just watching everything

Just wishing and just hoping, on the shelf.

Filed Under: Family and Home, Poetry, Uncategorized Tagged With: childhood, Daily Prompt, growing up, poetry, reminiscing, teddy bear

Daily Prompt: Envy

March 16, 2016 1 Comment

Today’s Prompt was to write using the word “Envy”.

Proverbs 14:30 says, “A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot.”

When I find myself feeling envious towards another person or something they have, it reminds me that I need to pray. I need to spend time with God and reflect on what has diminished my typical contentment.

Nine times out of ten, I find that it can always be traced back to my perception of lack in “things”, “stuff”, “worldly goods”. The more we allow our focus to be on the material things instead of the lasting things and the heavenly things, the more often we will find ourselves desiring more of them.

We are never satisfied with “stuff”, so it is pointless to put all of our energy and focus into mere things that leave no lasting legacy, things we can’t take with us.

Envy can overcome both the young and the old, but I see it more in the young. I think this is just because they haven’t lived life long enough to realize what really matters. If I could give those younger than me some advice, I would tell them not to be so desirous of a bigger car, a more expensive house, and designer duds. I would tell them to covet a loving, generous heart, a kind and gentle spirit, a forgiving attitude; lasting things; traits that will make living this roller coaster life so much sweeter.

I am thankful for the lessons learned and the avenue to share with others and that is a good thing. Because, I find that the more thankful I am for what I have, the more content I become.

For similar posts, see The Little Foxes or Regrets; I’ve had a few

Filed Under: Family and Home, Inspirational, Uncategorized Tagged With: Daily Prompt, envious, envy, forgiveness, generosity, God, lessons learned

Daily Prompt: Fleeting

March 14, 2016 3 Comments

SONY DSC

Today’s prompt was to use the word fleeting in a post.

This topic reminded me of all the times we are left with a fleeting glance. In many cases, the memories of these momentary glimpses are anything but fleeting.

Mom’s waving hand as you embark on your first ever bus ride

The emotional, yet proud look your mom or dad gives you at graduation

The bob of a little blonde ponytail as it retreats the first day they walk to class alone

Her tail lights the first time she drives away from home with bags packed

The crestfallen little face from the car seat when the visit is over and she has to go home

There are many more memories like this; sometimes romantic and sometimes sentimental. They are good material for stories and poetry and backdrops to some of our most memorable events.