Sleeping with the Enemy

funny-snoring

Found on Pinterest, “original owner” unknown but will post if someone knows

When I was a little girl, I remember my Poppy dozing off in his recliner sometimes after he read the paper.  He would snore and we would giggle.  It was a comforting sound to me, but then again I wasn’t trying to sleep at the time.  I was having a sleepover at Granny and Pops.

Fast forward forty years and I’m lying in bed next to the man I love oh so much and that same innocent snore has me feeling slightly homicidal.

First I try coughing or the really loud throat clearing noise, which will sometimes cause him to shift positions and cease for at least ten seconds.   He sleeps with two pillows, so I try first gently, then like a maniac, adjusting them under his head.  This might work another few seconds.  Through the years, I have hit him (gently), plugged his nose (briefly) and woke him up completely.

While I lie there, I am always optimistic for the first 10 minutes that surely he will get it all out and I’ll doze off myself.  That rarely happens.  I end up gazing at the clock and re-calculating how many hours of sleep I have left before the alarm.

Before anyone begins to tout “breathe right strips”, we’ve tried them.  If they worked, I would have bought stock in them.  They were a complete failure. Then, there was the suggestion about advising my man to take an afternoon nap, as perhaps this would help him be more relaxed.  No, that just gives me double the snoring.

I bought the almost seventy dollar mouthpiece and that seemed to work somewhat for a few months.  He hates it and swears it will ruin his teeth, but he is kind enough to wear it at least three or four times per week.  Alas, it seems to have lost its worth as well.  He snores whether he wears it or not lately.

When I was a child, I never understood why older people had separate rooms and I always vowed and declared that would never happen to me and my husband.  Well, I get it, now – I really do.  I’m still confident that it won’t come to that, but it may require surgery on his part, or some very expensive ear plugs on mine.

So, if you have any suggestions, feel free to share.

Signed,

Sleepy in South Florida 😉

Mitch Teemley

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