Sleeping with the Enemy


Found on Pinterest, “original owner” unknown but will post if someone knows

When I was a little girl, I remember my Poppy dozing off in his recliner sometimes after he read the paper.  He would snore and we would giggle.  It was a comforting sound to me, but then again I wasn’t trying to sleep at the time.  I was having a sleepover at Granny and Pops.

Fast forward forty years and I’m lying in bed next to the man I love oh so much and that same innocent snore has me feeling slightly homicidal.

First I try coughing or the really loud throat clearing noise, which will sometimes cause him to shift positions and cease for at least ten seconds.   He sleeps with two pillows, so I try first gently, then like a maniac, adjusting them under his head.  This might work another few seconds.  Through the years, I have hit him (gently), plugged his nose (briefly) and woke him up completely.

While I lie there, I am always optimistic for the first 10 minutes that surely he will get it all out and I’ll doze off myself.  That rarely happens.  I end up gazing at the clock and re-calculating how many hours of sleep I have left before the alarm.

Before anyone begins to tout “breathe right strips”, we’ve tried them.  If they worked, I would have bought stock in them.  They were a complete failure. Then, there was the suggestion about advising my man to take an afternoon nap, as perhaps this would help him be more relaxed.  No, that just gives me double the snoring.

I bought the almost seventy dollar mouthpiece and that seemed to work somewhat for a few months.  He hates it and swears it will ruin his teeth, but he is kind enough to wear it at least three or four times per week.  Alas, it seems to have lost its worth as well.  He snores whether he wears it or not lately.

When I was a child, I never understood why older people had separate rooms and I always vowed and declared that would never happen to me and my husband.  Well, I get it, now – I really do.  I’m still confident that it won’t come to that, but it may require surgery on his part, or some very expensive ear plugs on mine.

So, if you have any suggestions, feel free to share.


Sleepy in South Florida 😉

Wide awake in 406

Hotel Bed

The third night in a hotel is supposed to be the one where I finally fall asleep at a decent hour and sleep through the night (for the most part).  I guess it was not to be.

I did fall asleep early, snuggled in bed, ready to make my way to dreamland by around 9pm.

Suddenly, I awake to what sounds like a car alarm going off.  Groggy. I perched myself up on the overabundance of pillows and bed coverings (I think hotels think if they put 6 pillows on the bed it will make up for the fact that not one of them are a good pillow)  to try to get my wits about me.  My heart is pounding, like hearts do when woken up in the middle of the night.

Oh, I left the television on, that must be where the sound is coming from.  I search for the remote frantically thinking the quicker I can make it stop, the better chance I have of simply falling back asleep.  Found it, click.

Okay, so now it’s pitch black in my room, but the noise is still going strong.  I stumble over to the desk, thinking for some reason that the sound is coming from that area – is it the lamp?  Did a prior sleep deprived traveler leave some sort of alarm in the drawer?

Oh hey, there’s a window.  Let me find all 3 sets of window hangings and move them out-of-the-way so I can look out.  Maybe if someone is breaking in I will see them.  “Yes, because surely they would still be there hanging out after all this time”, I say to myself sarcastically  ‘maybe they will even look up to the 4th floor and wave”.

Sure enough, it is a car, no visible intruders, flashing and honking awake everyone on this side of the hotel who happens to be a light sleeper like myself.  My husband would sleep right though it.

Since there is nothing I can do and I’m sure someone has reported to the front desk by now, I decide it best to lay down and try to go back to sleep or at least be ready to when it stops.  I realize very quickly, sleep will be elusive for quite a while.

My half asleep but overly active mind begins to try to map out scenarios of what happened.  Did someone really try to break into the car, situated under a light in full view of one entire side of the hotel?  I decide it’s more likely that it’s an accident.  Then I begin to smile as I visualize a small child with keys dangling from their fingers and an evil laugh on their lips, singing na-na-na-na-na-na.  This makes me smile.

I imagine someone hanging their keys out of a 6th floor window, trying to stop the noise.  This makes me remember that these windows are locked and that makes me feel suffocated and imprisoned, contributing to my anxiety.  Maybe someone was bored and couldn’t sleep and decided no one else should be able to have that luxury either.

Then with my detective skills I have picked up from way too many episodes of CSI and Law and Order, I remember there was a tree directly over the car and I decide that something fell out of the tree and on to the car.   Case closed; now my mind can chill and perhaps I can sleep.

Some time in the middle of my musings, it stopped. I look at the clock and determine about 8 minutes have passed.  I rest my head on the lumpy pillow and try to get comfortable enough to sleep once again.  I was still checking the clock after 11pm.

It will be good to get home and sleep in my own bed.

Mitch Teemley

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