The Two Anniversaries

This week holds two special days for me; one is the anniversary of my marriage, which symbolizes a beautiful beginning and the other is the anniversary of the death of my mother which epitomizes an agonizing final chapter in the book of my life.

Since 1996, I have endeavored to honor both dates with all of the respect and enthusiasm I could muster.  The first few years after mom died, it was especially difficult to enjoy my anniversary.  There was that “other” day coming on its heels, the one where the sky always looks the same as it did on that fateful day and details that would be better off forgotten gallop through my thoughts.

As I have grown older and realize the brevity of life and the importance of enjoying it, I often think of how my mom embraced life.

She was a dreamer, a romantic, intelligent and funny.  She lived through some tough things; she lost her mom, her dad, her grandmother and a brother.  She went through a heart-wrenching divorce.

However, if you were to inquire of anyone in my family as to who absolutely lit up a room when they entered; they would tell you quickly that it was my mother.  She is often remembered for her smile, even when in the midst of adversity.

I will never forget the first time she met my husband and how much she adored him.  She said, ‘he’s a keeper”.  I reminisce on the first (sometimes bumpy) years of marriage when I dialed her number seeking solace and more importantly someone willing to blindly take my side.  Although I’m still not sure exactly how she pulled it off, my outlook was often altered by the time I hung up the phone.  She would cause me to look inward, and sometimes identify (much to my chagrin!) when I was the problem.

So, in a strange, somewhat enchanted way, the two days are combined into the fond memories of my mother, the wonderful times we had together; and the beautiful memories of my marriage and the hopes and dreams of many years to come.

There is also the knowledge that she would want me to give my anniversary the recognition it deserves and celebrate it to the fullest.  She would flash that big ole’ smile and give us her blessings all over again if she could.

Once again, my memories, which threatened to take on a life of melancholy this afternoon, have only catapulted me to a happiness that comes from knowing that I have been and continue to be loved and nurtured by some of the best!  I’m sitting here with your smile, mom and happy tears.

When clothing makes the memory

I would be lying if I said I don’t love fashion and enjoy checking out the latest trends.  Thankfully, I do have the confidence to wear what I want and do not feel a slave to whatever the latest issue of Cosmo is sporting in its glossy pages.  Some styles are hideous and it pains me to see how many people will blindly follow for the sake of expected popularity or trendiness.

Clothing says a lot about who we are, about our personality, our favorite styles and colors.  It can express our desire to be comfortable at all costs, or our desire to look our best, be our tallest or for some, show the world more than what is considered decent.

For me, clothing is tied to memories.  Maybe that’s why in my sub-conscience, sometimes I want that perfect outfit for that special event; because I realize there will be memories tied to it.

Some of my earliest memories include black and white patent shoes and purses with delicate flowers and beading attached.  These accessories made me feel special and whimsical.  They were part of my “Sunday best”, so to speak.

I remember one particular outfit; it had been handed down to me by a cousin and I was overwhelmed with gratitude because it was the most wonderful two piece, matching, polyester pant set I had ever laid eyes on, much less worn.  The pants were red with bell bottoms and the top was red and covered with white hearts.  When I put this on, the world was mine and everyone noticed me.   I know, shocker, right?    The way people looked at me probably had as much to do with the confidence I exuded by twirling and prancing and flaunting myself around as it did the actual clothing.  I also remember a green dress with an apple on it, which made me feel especially smart at school.

Then there were the handmade, look alike dresses my mom would proudly adorn my sister and me in.  This bothered me because how in the world could I be the center of attention dressed in look-alike clothing?   (Note:  Prior blogs will reveal my failures in personality and character as a child)

Fondly, in some cases, I remember the clothing of others as well.  I say in some cases, because I remember cringing when we would be on vacation and my dad would don his swimming trunks and accompany us to the pool.  I know this was wrong, but I promised I would always be real and transparent here, so the truth wins!  My dad was and still is a very handsome man, but never ever wore shorts, so maybe it was just the oddness of it (although it could very well have had something to do with his pale little bird legs too).

I remember both of my grannies and even my great-grandmothers in their starched looking dresses, embroidered with small flowers and often with pleats.  My sis and I were both just remembering yesterday a yellow shift style dress my Granny Byrd wore often.  She looked pretty in it and when I think of her, I think of her in that dress.

Grandpa Byrd and Poppy Goff wore their work pants, either khaki or dark blue, both being fishing guides.  They both always sported a hat to keep the sun off.   Grandpa Byrd preferred a cap and Poppy always had a big straw hat, sometimes with the green sunshield across the top front.  I remember the smell of the straw and the salty sea water left on the green.

My mom had unruly hair, much like mine and I remember her scarves and kerchiefs she would wear, especially if we were on the boat, which was often.  In one of my favorite pictures of mother, she had on a floor length dress and her hair in the bouffant style, ready to go to a Loretta Lynn and Conway Twitty concert in Miami.  I thought she far outshone any princess, movie star or fashion model I knew of.

I could go on and on about people and what they wear.  The things I remember about them somehow relates to the way they were attired.  So you see, clothes don’t make the person, but they do speak much about them presently as well as in our memories.

Eyebrows and Toenails

Pedi in Hawaii

Pedi in Hawaii

Today was a day I decided to just meander into town and do whatever I felt like doing, a “me” day, I guess.

After a couple of errands were out of the way, I found myself at the mall which was just beginning to open.  There weren’t many people there and I thought that from now on, early morning is the right time to come to the mall.  The only thing you have to watch out for is all of the elderly walkers who come here to have a safe, indoor environment to move those bodies.  Some of them are fast and you have to get out of their way.

My stop at Sephora was very productive, although a tad costly, but what’s a girl to do without her cosmetics?  I even allowed myself the luxury of letting the girl try some new products on me and got a new “eye look”.  She insisted primer is the key to keep that eye shadow in place.

Next, I stumbled on a huge dress sale, so of course, I had to stop.  After trying on about 10 dresses from the sale racks and one of the latest arrivals, guess which one fit?  Right, the latest arrival, which meant it wasn’t on sale.  But, it was too cute to pass up.

My next to last stop of the day was to redeem the mani-pedi gift certificate one of my daughters gave me for Mother’s Day.  I don’t know if it’s just me or what, but it’s a challenge for me to sit still and relax during this process.  I look at it more as a “necessity”; something you just do, get it over with and feel prettier because of it.  This time, I told myself, I would really try to relax (except for the waxing part as that is impossible!).  I settled in and closed my eyes, the massage chair already doing its thing.

Wouldn’t you know I would be perched near the lady who proceeded to regale everyone within earshot with stories about her and her husband’s feet.  She went on for approximately 20 minutes expressing her angst over her ingrown toenails and telling her friend how she comes to get them “dug out” once a month.  She enlightened us on more than we ever wanted to know about ingrown toenails, her husband’s bunions and a horrific trip she had to the podiatrist who drew blood.

Needless to say, I was glad when it was my turn to go in the back for eyebrow and upper lip waxing.  The pain of that would surely be better than the next topic she would thrill us with.

Finally, I was ready to go.  I got to my car to try to remove some of the gooey, shiny stuff they plaster all over your brows and lip after this process.  When I opened the mirror, I was horrified.  My new “eye look”, was stripped mid-way down from the brow and thanks to the new primer she used, I couldn’t rub what was left around to fill in the huge bare gaps.

At this point, I knew that the only place I could possibly go was Walmart to pick up my last few things, so I hurried through with a prayer that I wouldn’t see anyone I knew.  I saw one, but managed to avoid them.  It was for their benefit as well as mine (so don’t judge people for avoiding you sometimes as you never know the reason, hehe).  I was a puffy, red mess with goofed up eye makeup.

I got through there in record time and made it home undetected and unnoticed for the most part.  I’m feeling much better after a cold wash cloth, a glass of sweet tea and a piece of dark chocolate.  I’m thankful that my toes are still kinda cute, for a while longer anyway.

Pondering prom

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I was just there to do a favor; take pictures that the kids would like, with a decent camera.  My role was photographer (not even close to professional and not pretending to be) and spectator.

One of the first cars to pull up after my friend and I arrived was my daughter and wow, she looked amazing.  She had that perfect dress on and when she smiled at me, I considered how blessed I was to be here, a part of her senior prom.  I could watch her from the sidelines, beside myself with emotion that was pushed way down deep, yet ever threatening to bubble to the top and overflow.  But, I promised myself there would be no waterworks tonight.

As I watched the young adults begin to arrive, I was amazed at how beautiful and handsome they all looked.  Since I’ve known most of them since they were in diapers, my heart lurched for them too.  For some, this would be the final big event of their high school career.

They let me take their pictures, ate a wonderful meal and then the dancing began.  This was a great group, not the kind you constantly have to worry about and follow around to intercept any mischief.  They were content to be together.

Looking around the room casually, careful not to let my eyes linger anywhere long enough to be that nosy parent, the memories overwhelmed me.  The sleepovers, the birthday parties, little league games and youth group.  Many have been found eating at my table, riding in my car, sharing secrets and dreams.

We complain sometimes because we live in a small town and our kids go to a K-12 school.  It’s small so it doesn’t offer as much variety or choice in sports or academics as some schools.  Everyone knows each other’s business, so gossip can run rampant.

But, sitting there thinking about these kids and some of the lifelong friendships, I realized that where we fall short in some areas, we far exceed in others.  We’re like family; we all come together when it’s needed.  They may argue, but when push comes to shove and there is a need, it’s met.

Their futures loom just ahead of them and no one knows what tomorrow holds, but whenever they return home, they will have those of us who welcome them.  We will share in their joy of accomplishments and feel sorrow in their losses.

I had been home about an hour when my daughter arrived and we went through the pictures together and discussed the night.  She was happy with how things went, so of course, so was I.   (and I was glad she was home and off the road early so this mom could get some much needed rest!)

Love you mother!

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I was blessed with one of those Moms like the one from Leave It to Beaver, only better.  Hers was the shoulder I cried on, and it was her hand that I held.  She was strength when I needed it and a resounding voice of wisdom during my trials and troubles.

In my early years, she was my fiercest protector, my biggest encourager, my most invested teacher and an abundant source of love and gentleness.

As I grew, she cheered me on, she poured positivity into me, and she taught me forgiveness and reminded me to turn to God for all things.

In my teenage years, she cried with me as she stroked my back, bringing hope to a broken heart.  She defended me like a lioness, when she thought I’d been wronged.  She never lost faith in me or what I could become.  She was my mentor, my solace, my sole confidante.

When I became a mother myself, I learned to appreciate her more than ever for it was then that I recognized her sacrifices and identified with them myself.

Now, after almost 17 years, I can still remember the sound of her voice, the strength of her touch and thankfully, all the things that she taught me about love and life.

I will miss her until the day the good Lord calls me home and I am reunited with her.

For those of you who didn’t have the greatest mom, I am truly sorry and I know there are many situations out there that are heartbreaking.  The good thing is, you can be that yourself, whether you are a mom or a mentor, you can give someone hope.  You never know how you can be used to pour into a life until you do it.

Shopping with royalty

TiaraToday was Prom dress shopping day for the last prom ever to be celebrated in this household, so my daughter, her friend and I set out around 10:30am.   We had about an hour’s drive to get to the closest David’s Bridal so by the time we arrived close to our destination, we stopped for lunch.

Next stop was the dress shop which proved to be low on stock, therefore, disappointing and fruitless, so we had to go elsewhere to continue the quest for the perfect dress.

By the time we reached the mall, I was feeling the effects of the heavy lunch and starting to feel like I could curl up on the dressing room floor and take a nap.  I shook it off like any self-respecting trooper would do as I had to be fully alert for the fittings and price tags.

My youngest is quite the princess and enjoys the fanfare of modeling the dresses over and over (and over) for me and whatever loyal friend comes along for the show.  The decision on which dress to choose is of vast importance and can’t be rivaled with our trivial banter.  It’s serious business.

Three stores and at least ten dresses later, we think we may have found the one.  Now mind you, the left-behind friends have been group-sent pictures of every one of the dresses and although they are not there to enjoy the drama, their opinions are discussed and are definitely a large part of the decision.  So, while the lady in waiting for the day takes pictures and then reports what each loyal subject has to say about each dress, I wait and watch asking the price every now and then.

We found THE dress so I paid and she thanked me.  I sighed a sigh of relief that the search was finally over and home was in my near future and then remembered the shoes. I mean, what’s the perfect dress, without perfect shoes to go with it?  Thankfully, the shoe search was an easy one.  She feel deeply and passionately in love with the second pair she tried on and at this point, I didn’t even look at the price, just bolted for the register where I got a little jolt when the very pleasant and understanding cashier gave me my total.

We were finished, at least for today.  Yes, I know there will be hair and makeup and accessorizing in my immediate future.

It was 4pm and I was exhausted.  It amazes me how just a few hours of shopping nowadays can turn me into a zombie.  Shopping used to be like a crazy, happy fuel.  Oh wait, that’s because back then MY mom was the money tree.

I am finally home and honestly, all kidding aside, I had a wonderful day with two great kids.  My daughter is blessed with faithful loyal friends, (several of them) and I’m thankful for that.

I will miss this. Every, single, moment of it.   I am grateful that I’ve been blessed with amazing girls and so happy that they share their lives with me and enjoy my company.

Green but not for St Patrick’s Day

Jan 1st 09 - Project 366.No, I didn’t go to a crazy Saint Patrick’s day party and I was not trying out a new hair color.  It’s the Blistex lid and yes, it IS melted and um-hmm….I did this.

So, does anyone have a teenage daughter who likes your bathroom better because it has more or bigger mirrors?  And because of this, they leave their makeup, brushes, hair ties, deodorant, etc., all over your counters?  If so, you will understand this better than most.

I was in a huge rush today.  I had taken off work just early enough to throw some clothes and makeup on and get out the door to a chiropractor appointment.  For some reason, unbeknownst to me, my neck is very tense and out of whack!

Anyway, I decided my new hair do needed a quick touch up with the straightener, so I plug it in while I throw the makeup on.  I only have a few minutes left, so I grab a huge hunk of hair and pull the straightener through and lo and behold, there is green goo all in my hair!!  I was shocked and surprised, but had no idea where it had come from!  After freaking out for a moment, like any good,  self-proclaimed southern belle would do, I was able to calm down and get it out without damaging my hair.

As I picked up the straightener again to clean it off, I happened to look down and saw the culprit.  My daughter in all her messiness had left the straightener too close to a tube of blistex and when I turned it on, it melted all over it.  I had picked it up and pulled it right through my hair. I guess I can’t blame her entirely, but my counters were certainly a lot cleaner while she was out of town on Spring Break.

I told the girl who was doing my deep tissue massage at the chiropractors office the story and she got a good laugh.  I didn’t want her to see green bits and think I had something nasty or leftover in my hair.

The thing is, as messy as she can be and as crazy as things can get sometimes, I am very much aware that I will miss this.  Every little tiny bit of it!

Valentines shoe box

Puppy Love Valentine CardsI remember when my girls were young and we had to buy or make valentines for the entire class.  There were big decisions to be made about who got which one.  Patience was a necessity as they carefully pondered the possible ramifications of each selection. “But mom, if I pick this one, he might think I like him”, and “Which one should I give my teacher?”

Some years we would carefully transform a shoe box into a glittering, shimmering, pink or red valentine mail box.  After the inevitable Valentine party with punch and cupcakes, they would bring it home and excitedly show me all of their cards. I would catch them perusing them again later in their room and maybe tucking one in the frame of their dresser mirror.

We used to make some of them together with construction paper and doilies.  We would cut out shapes, make drawings and pen our own verse, then deliver to family, friends and neighbors, often along with valentine cookies. Their smiles were the only reward I needed for my help. I imagine I could still find some of these treasures if I looked in the right boxes.

Time passes and those memories grow more precious to me as I try to hold on to every one of those sweet moments.  Love grows and changes and those precious little children, who captivated us at birth, weave their own unique and precious pattern deeply and permanently into our hearts.  Once again, I am so grateful for all the times I took the time to really enjoy them, to look in their eyes and listen to them.

Time flies and you never know what is waiting around the next corner. Live well and spend plenty of time with your family.

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