The more candles, the brighter the shine

Happy Birthday to me

My 47th birthday

The Prompt:  Do you enjoy growing old or do you fight against it?

Do I enjoy growing old or do I fight against it?   I suppose I could quote some old adage, like, “You’re only as old as you feel” or “Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.”   To be perfectly honest though, I would have to say both.  I am enjoying myself but I wouldn’t hesitate in some regards to slow it down.

As I approach 50, what Victor Hugo referred to as the “youth of old age”, I think one of the best things about aging is that I am finally comfortable with who I am.  I know precisely what I want, and what I will and will not tolerate.  There is something liberating in being able to be unapologetically yourself.  Gone are the days of trying to impress and worrying so much about what others think.

There are silly inconsequential things that give me great pleasure, like having finally discovered exactly how I like certain things, like my tea or toast and not settling for anything else.   I have embraced the fact that I am a home body and that I relish times of solitude.  No longer do I strive to change things about myself that are an inherent part of my makeup.

For me, growing older is a time of much greater faith, considerable confidence and thankfully more wisdom.  I say thankfully, because I have noticed that age does not always guarantee wisdom.  You have to have been willing to learn and grow from life’s experiences, you must implement change and hearken to the voice of reason.

As much as I am comfortable in my own skin, (except for the occasional hot flash) I would be lying if I said I didn’t have some degree of vanity over preserving it, for as long as possible.  I probably spend too much on moisturizers and my trip to the salon to cover the grey isn’t something I plan on giving up anytime soon.  I try to exercise daily, which has been impeded as of late due to a heel spur, which is causing knee pain as I favor the foot.  I could elaborate on recent ailments that I am assured are a part of life now and to be expected.  I will war against them with tenacity.

I suppose we could conclude that I love the inner workings of getting older but I am battling the outward manifestations.

I want to receive growing older as a gift, not a burden or something to be feared.  I plan to make the approach to 50 gracefully; eyes wide open in wonder as I head over that hill.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.  2 Corinthians 4:16

Related post:  To 50 and beyond!

It’s a bad day, not a bad life

Flowers in NC park

The alarm woke me up angrily as if to say there is no time to spare, not another blink of sleep is to occur on my watch!  The door reached out to clobber me in the side of my head as I dragged a less than cooperative body to the bathroom.  The water was cold as it bitterly splashed my awakening skin, and my eyes simply refused to focus properly; then the scale was particularly hateful.

Off to the kitchen where the red light on my keurig flashed impatiently, shouting, “refresh me or else”!

Finally seated in front of my computer, I attempted to begin my work day.  Of course on days like this, fingers fail to move where your mind tells them to go and logins are incorrect.

It was as if my blood pressure was rising while my patience was waning and it wasn’t yet 6:00am.

As the day schlepped on, ever so slowly, it was one irritating thing after another.  There was the way my bank (for reasons still unclear to me) locked out my online banking feature, and the only way that I could prove that I truly was who I proclaimed to be was by me knowing the amount and date of my very last transaction.

This may seem a walk in the park to you, but since I was dealing with my hubby’s business account, I knew my getting this right was as likely as him remembering to tell me he even used the card; therefore, highly unlikely.  I was so amazed when the last receipt he had thrown in a crumpled up pile on the counter actually matched.  I could have cried tears of joy!  Yes!  I had received my first miracle of the day.

Even after this turn of events, my mood continued to darken and my appetite threatened to destroy my resolve against all things unhealthy.  My husband and daughter felt the tumultuous waves of my hormonal raging.  I even had to make one apology…harrumph!

About this time one of my co-workers and I were discussing a timeline for a future fix and something she said shook my resolve to be angry today.  I made a negative comment and she said, “hey, you’re always the positive one”.  Ouch!  God was showing me, crystal clear, that my attitude needed adjusting.  But, I didn’t heed at that point; I was too deep in the yuck-mode.

Later, once I got off work and sat basking in the afternoon sun, remembering that today is my Friday, I looked back on today and actually smiled.  Okay, I admit it was one of those wimpy, embarrassed smiles, but it was a smile nonetheless.

Somehow, at that point, I quickly repented for my negativity and forced myself to realize (once again)  all that I have to be thankful for in life.  I heard the words, “it’s a bad day, not a bad life” resonate from somewhere deep within.

Yes, I can blame SOME of it on hormones, but this selfishness, thinking it’s all about me, forgetting the blessings, is something I feel I will be blogging about over and over until I get it.  And, then maybe I will continue until others get it as well.  If you’ve had a bad day, get alone somewhere quiet, say a prayer, read a verse, breath in and out and begin to count those blessings.  It will do you good!

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