Sometimes I forget that spring is coming.  Everything seems dry and dead and there is barely any color.  Locked in the bathroom, asking God why, I wonder if He really heard all of those silent, heartbroken pleas, the soulful dew faced prayers and the loud proclamations made, while pacing back and forth, my confident steps seemingly pounding the glorious truths out on the ground beneath me.   I prayed, I believed, I proclaimed, I professed but alas, the outcome was not as I expected.

For a moment, I am lost in self pity, it almost feels good.  Don’t I deserve it?  The flesh pleasing state of ME?  I realize my plan might not have been the best after all, I may have misunderstood God’s intended effect.  I feel hurt, forgotten and blind-sighted.  I could give in to this darkness, the cloak of heaviness the enemy is more than happy to shroud me in. I have been here before though and I know that choice leads me nowhere.

So, I take a deep breath and utter with the weakest trembling voice, “nevertheless, You are still God”. That profession alone awakens and revives that faith that I knew I had and suddenly, the day doesn’t seem quite so dark and dreary.  I let the truth of those words, sink in and suddenly I’m eager to escape my place of refuge and run toward the light.  A spirit fed river begins to course through me, leaving peace in every dark and shadowy place.  Like someone emerging from under the raging sea, gasping, I take a big gulp of redeemed life and am gently reminded in Whom I believe.

I open the door, walk out with strength in my step, a profession of life on my tongue and hope in my heart.  God still reigns.  Through all the turmoil, trials and tragedy of this earthly walk, He has been with me and brought me through every single time and He will again and again.  Victorious living, one day at a time.  He has already provided anything I really need.

I know that even if everything turned out according to my short-sighted, selfish plans, there would still be times like this.  There would still be days of loss and sadness, days of oppression, days when I need to do like David did and strengthen myself in the Lord.  I remind myself that His ways and His thoughts are higher than mine.  He can see so much more than I and so much farther into the future.  How arrogant of me to even presume for a moment that I can figure it all out?

This side of heaven, there will be trouble but the load is so much lighter if we let Him help us carry it.

Spring is on it’s way, it’s always right around the corner.  Will life be perfect?  No.  I won’t bury my head in the sand and pretend like it is or smile when I just can’t.  But deep inside, there is a peace that passes all understanding.  This peace reminds me of a time when I didn’t have it and that alone is cause for rejoicing.

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the former things have passed away.” And the One seated on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.”

Rev 21:4-5