Uncategorized – Long walks and dark chocolate

From the inside out

February 11, 2013 5 Comments

We often fail as parents. Although we love our children dearly, the truth is, we aren’t perfect. We make mistakes. Since I’m older and one of the reasons I blog is to share something that might inspire, encourage or teach someone, I thought I’d share one of my failures.

One of the areas I missed the mark on was in putting too much emphasis on outer appearance. Now, don’t get me wrong, I realize we want them to bathe, brush their teeth and look and smell at least somewhat approachable. This can be a feat in itself in those elementary years.

But, I was overly concerned with appearance. I didn’t realize I was doing this because I was verbalizing all the right things. Beauty is as beauty does, God looks upon the heart; out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks and what’s inside is what truly matters.

Here’s the quagmire……

While I was telling them all the right things, my actions were betraying my words. You see, I was standing in front of the mirror (in their presence because how often does a mom ever get alone time in the bathroom), saying, “Do I look fat in this?” while pointing out all of my imperfections. Effectively telling them one thing and showing them another.

Thankfully, by the help and grace of God, and the words of a very wise woman I stumbled upon on the radio one day, I realized this and began to concentrate more fully on the inside and kept my own insecurities to myself (for the most part, not always). Obviously, the reason I had struggled with this, was because it was also a personal struggle.

Although I do want to look nice and be healthy, my life no longer revolves around that. I have learned that I have a purpose in this life and it isn’t just to look pretty.

Concentrate on becoming the woman that God created you to be. If you are loving, kind and gracious, it will shine from the inside out. We’re all beautiful, in many different ways, but we are all also aging every moment. Beauty is indeed, fleeting. People will remember you, for WHO you were to them, not what you looked like.

Personally, I find myself praying for the ability to accept aging gracefully, to acknowledge that for every wrinkle, there are even more beautiful memories and experiences!

There is nothing wrong with taking care of ourselves and looking our best, but we can’t make this our God. It can’t become an obsession. I share this in case there are other mothers who can benefit from it, or girls or women who need to be reminded that they matter; their talents, their gifts and all of the wonderful things they bring to the lives of those around them.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: appearance, girls, insecurity, mom and daughter relationship, Parenting, teenagers

Frustrating Friday

February 8, 2013 2 Comments

What a day! It seemed like from the moment I left the comforting walls of my humble abode, nothing was going to be easy.

It started with the package my daughter asked me to mail; an odd shaped present for her boyfriend stationed in Texas. With the proficient help of the postal service, that gift was on its way.

I headed towards town, knowing the traffic would be atrocious, but having no idea how much so. It was the kind of traffic where you sit through a red light more than once. My patience was already being tested.

First stop was the bank, where I tried unsuccessfully to get some copies of missing statements for an account that I am a signer on so I could get balanced. They informed me that I’m not listed on the account, so therefore, they couldn’t help me. It’s strange, because I’ve been the sole signer of the checks for several years now. Things that make you go Hmmmm…. They said I could wait for a manager, and I did, but after 30 minutes, I gave that up for another day.

Second stop, auto parts store for my husband. I hand them the note he thoughtfully penned for me, knowing my lack of knowledge in this particular area. It wasn’t enough; they needed to know how many axels on the truck? I said, “Do I look like I know anything about axels?” with a smile of course. So, I sent a text to the hubby, who was out in the boat. No answer, because he doesn’t have service….On to next stop.

Things were looking up at the car wash when they advised me I had met the requirement for my free wash. A few minutes later, I had a shiny, freshly vacuumed ride, and oh, how I love my ride.

I figured I might as well stop at the department store and look around since I was still waiting on that return text. I was almost tricked into thinking the day was getting a little brighter as I found a few things on sale, until I went to check-out. The lines were 20 people deep and I am not exaggerating. I sighed and settled in for the wait. It’s funny watching people save their spot and get really close to the next person in front of them, like someone is going to take it away. And some of this was over gaudy baubles and tacky looking (to me anyway) tops.

I finally decided to proceed to the grocery store and head home since it didn’t seem like my husband was going to get in an area where he could respond. Fast forward thirty minutes and I had fought my way thru the aisles of Walmart like a trooper, weaving my basket in and out of others like a pro, waiting with a smile while people sauntered along in front of me like they didn’t have another thing to do in the world……ever! I finally reached the register where the young man who took my money waited. And trust me, other than slinging my stuff in the bags, all he did was take my money. I got the feeling he was irritated with me for daring to enter his line, and taking up his precious time. Goodbye, grumpy, young man.

As I was about to reach the car and head for home, for shelter and solace, my husband texted me and said to go back to the parts store. Translate, fight the traffic again and postpone your much anticipated arrival home. Of course, when I got there, they didn’t make it easy, but I finally left with the goods.

On the ride home, I managed to find myself behind a huge truck carrying concrete blocks and any time there was a dotted line for the pass, there was oncoming traffic, so I settled in behind him for the 45 mph haul. At least I was only number 2 in a line of 20.

I finally drove into my little neck of the woods and was abruptly reminded that this is the weekend that we have over 40,000 visitors for the local seafood festival. Yay, just what this introverted, quiet girl wants to deal with. Oh well, at least its blog fodder J Hope your day rocked!

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Patience, Shopping, traffic, vehicles, Walmart

Captivated

February 8, 2013 2 Comments

Nana and Ayda playing patty cake

“I luff you Nana”, she said. Now, I’m not entirely sure if she meant those words this particular time from the bottom of her nearly three year old heart, or if it was the overwhelming gratitude she felt at my latest promise. I had just said, “Nana will send you the Peter Pan movie”.

For anyone who has the immense, incomparable pleasure of being a grandparent, it really doesn’t matter why they said it. It melts your heart, liquefies it right into a puddle of love. Those four little words make you feel like the most important person on earth. They are coveted words and not always shared so freely by our independent little cherubs.

Before we were blessed with Ayda, I remember other grandparents and their endless pictures and chatter about their precious little ones, the most brilliant little people ever conceived. I thought I understood. I didn’t. Not even close.

I was there when she was born. After my nervousness for the safety and health of my eldest throughout the process, I was blissful to see the little dark haired head make its entry on the scene. The thrill of her first cries upon encountering this big, bright world overwhelmed me.

I remember my first trip back out to California after they had been to visit for an extended period. Her daddy had been in Afghanistan serving his country, so they stayed with us during his tour of duty. She wasn’t very old and it had been a few months since I’d seen her.

My daughter picked me up from the LA airport, in the early evening and we enjoyed catching up on the drive back to Temecula. Ayda was playing at a friend’s house and we stopped by there to pick her up. She sat in her car seat and jabbered all the way home. I couldn’t wait to get my hands on her but I wasn’t sure she would welcome being held.

I will never forget getting out of the car at their apartment and her little arms reaching out for me, just like those months between visits had never passed. And oh, the feeling when those chubby little arms hugged me ever so tightly. I still get tears in my eyes thinking about it. She remembered!

Am I smitten? Totally! In love with her? Absolutely! And don’t even begin to think you can understand, unless you’re one of the proud, the elite, the grandparents!!

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Afghanistan, California, children, grandchildren, grandparent, love, Temecula, Travel

Next season please

February 7, 2013 2 Comments

To everything there is a season,

A time for every purpose under heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die;

A time to plant, and a time to pluck what is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal;

A time to break down and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh;

A time to mourn and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones;

A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to gain, and a time to lose;

A time to keep, and a time to throw away;

A time to tear, and a time to sew;

A time to keep silence and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate;

A time of war, and a time of peace. Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8

I’ve been thinking a lot about seasons this week. It’s so funny how they do parallel our lives. The bible even says to everything there is a season.

When I’m asked what my favorite season is, I often say fall and winter. I think this has always been due to the accompanying holidays and knowing I’ll be spending quality time with family and friends.

However, after contemplating it more carefully, I have realized that my favorite season is the one that’s around the corner. The one that isn’t quite here yet, the one I’m currently longing for.

Take right now, for instance. We’ve had our fill of winter (some more than others, depending on our locale); the cold, dreariness, the bare trees and raggedly looking lawns and landscapes. We are ready for spring. We desire something new; the flowers, the birdsong, a change in the weather, some refreshing showers.

I remember at the end of last summer, I was dreamily desiring the arrival of fall. I could almost taste the fall flavors of pumpkin and apple cider and smell the cinnamon and feel the slight dip in temperature. In my mind were visions of scarecrows and carvings and leaves turning and descending to the earth. It was something to look forward to and thinking about it filled me with anticipation.

When the temperatures began to drop and I began my Christmas shopping, I was already giddy with excitement for winter and the hopes of seeing snow (if I traveled out of my home state). Bring on the sweaters and scarves and boots. The love of Christmas and thoughts of enjoying more time with those I care about made me anxious for this glorious season.

And around it goes, year after year, season after season. I guess the old saying is true, “we always want what we don’t have”. We eagerly anticipate the next chapter, the next season.

It’s like our Creator to know this would suit us; the changing. We change; our lives are lived out in seasons. Our short lived attention spans and longing for more is somewhat satiated by the change in seasons.

So on this last day of winter, I say, bring on the spring! May yours be filled with a spring in your step, March madness and April showers, Easter and excitement over things to come and abundant love, joy and peace!

Filed Under: Christian, Inspirational, Uncategorized Tagged With: change, Easter, fall, God, joy, life, love, peace, seasons, spring, summer, winter

If I should die before I wake

February 4, 2013 2 Comments

If I died tomorrow, what would people to say about me?

I think it’s helpful sometimes to think of your life this way. My parents, my kids, my friends, those who don’t even know me well, the ones I meet at the grocery store, on the plane, at the sports event. How would they remember me, what words would they use to describe me? How was I perceived? How did I treat people on a day to day basis?

If we look back even in the last week and consider this, it brings what our personal legacy will be into focus.

When people think about a legacy, they often think in terms of money, prestige or power. None of that matters to me. What matters is that people see me as a virtuous, compassionate person, someone who would listen to them, love them, offer advice, give second chances, encourage them and live the life I so highly recommend, the one with Christ at the center.

When I reflect on the past week of my life, I can already see glaring failures. Opportunities missed.

I am challenging myself to think this way more often; to realize that the little, seemingly inconsequential things, really do matter. We can merely look at someone in the wrong way, or not allow our look linger long enough to show our interest in them. What about when we half-hardheartedly listen while conversing because our heart isn’t in it? There are the times we are tired and grouchy and speak before we think. We can be callous in our topics, not taking into consideration the entire audience and things some of them might have been through or we neglect people and make them feel left out.

On a positive note though, we can also seek out opportunities to smile, to tousle that little ones hair and tell them they’re awesome, to pat that elderly one on the back and ask about their health or their grandchildren. We can tell that teenager that many have given up on that they can do it. We can seek out that single parent and see if there is anything we can do to make the load a little lighter, let them know that we really do love them, that they’re in our prayers.

Think about your own life, about all the little things that gave you strength when you didn’t think you had any left. Think about the people who spoke goodness into your life and gave you hope or a hand up from the mire. Those are some of the sweetest memories. Those are the people that you remember fondly. Just a small amount of kindness might mean the world to someone.

I know I fail often, but by the grace of God, I will grow into a more considerate, loving and giving person.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Christ, Christianity, God, God's Grace, Grocery store, Parenting, Religion and Spirituality, Single parent

To watch or not to watch

February 3, 2013 3 Comments

Maxine comics

Are you watching the Super Bowl today? I am not unless my family is home and watching it and I just happen to be in the room (translate as I will watch with my family if they want to because I love them). I used to, but along with all the other wonderful freedoms that come with age and maturity, I don’t feel compelled anymore to follow the crowd. I wonder how many people out there today are planning to watch and really wish they were doing something else? Been there, done that.

The bigger question for me is when did any type of event start to always turn into a huge monstrosity of a party for so many.

We can’t have sweet, simple little birthdays anymore. Those become events when the child is around, let’s see…one. We have to hire a circus, dancing monkeys or something just as fabulous to keep up with everyone else. I’ve done it too; I’m not judging. I just remember a simpler time and I miss it.

The new holiday items are on the shelves before we finish buying for the last holiday. Everything is so commercialized and there is so much STUFF out there until when you do buy a gift anymore, even for a small child, you have no idea what to get because they really do have everything.

The electronic revolution has helped catapult us into approaching every new holiday or event with the mentality of honoring it with the best post, funniest tweet, most awesome pinterest folder, most unique desserts, best costumes and decorations and gifts. We are prodded and poked with ideas, pictures, suggestions. Even if we had a good idea of our own, we probably couldn’t eek it out of our already overstuffed brains sometimes.

Does anyone else agree? Am I getting old or cynical? Or am I realizing that while there are people starving and devastated and lonely, I am spending too much time on materialistic trivialities to bother taking the time to pray for them, to think of them, to do anything to help.

I am grateful for all of the ways we have to communicate nowadays, I really am. My prayer is that I would use them to encourage and uplift others and to spread the word about truly meaningful events.

I do believe we have to have fun, relax and all of those things – I’m not “dissing” anyone who is truly enthusiastic about watching the Super Bowl today – may your favorite team win. I’m just reflecting on my own priorities and wanting more than ever for them to line up with God’s will for me. I want to place the correct and proper value on things and events, not the value that everyone else says must be placed on them.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Entertaining, event, faith, God, Holidays, Home, Super Bowl, world hunger

For me?

January 30, 2013 5 Comments

Okay ladies, let’s get real. It’s almost Valentines Day. For those of us who are married or involved with someone, a large percentage of us must admit that yes, in fact, we do want something.

Granted, some of us are easier to please than others. There are those who say, “I really don’t want anything” who really mean it. I don’t understand these people at all, so I’m not going to spend any more time exploring that.

You have those who are perfectly content to receive a romantic card. These will tend to be the same people who like to give cards. Then, you have what I believe to be the largest group of all, those of us who want gifts. I belong to this group so it’s the one I’m most familiar with.

The thing I wanted to explore is why it isn’t enough just to receive from our “loves”. We must also share, post, tweet, call a friend and dish out our good fortune with as many as possible. So, it seems just the gift isn’t quite enough, we need pictures and at least a little fanfare. Perhaps the chocolate is a little bit sweeter once we brag about it to our friends. Oh, we don’t call it bragging. We share.

I must grudgingly admit that I have done this – Bragging, masquerading like sharing, that is. This is embarrassing to admit because I feel like it makes me look adolescent. But, as I’ve said again and again, many personal secrets just don’t seem that sacred anymore; I’m way happier being transparent, partly because I know without a shadow of a doubt, I am not alone.

It’s funny how sometimes either our pride or some deep-rooted insecurity causes us to think we need approval from others. We need to make sure, especially with our closest friends, that they love him too and that they realize he really does love us.

However, to cover all the bases we don’t always have the wrong motive and often we really are just sharing something wonderful that happened in our lives with people who we love, who love us back. This is the good kind of sharing; nothing to be ashamed of here at all.

Truth be told, I love my husband and I don’t need a gift from him to prove his love; he shows it every day. It’s bigger than the biggest card or heart he could buy. This should be enough for me and my motives should be remain pure in all of my conversations, pictures and posting about it.

Hopefully as the day set aside for all things romantic approaches, we will remember this and think about our knight in shining armor who took his time to make the day a little more special for us and not worry so much about what others need to know or think about it.

Also, there are a lot of hurting people out there who have either lost someone by death, or recently divorced, even recently broke up who just might not need to hear our sap. Let’s be thoughtful regarding this as well.

And if you do get a gift, even if it’s a light up plastic flower from the corner convenience store, be thankful.

I’m hoping my love remembers the dark chocolate 🙂

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Boasting, Facebook, humor, love, Online Writing, Relationships, Romance, Twitter, Valentine's Day

Wide awake in 406

January 30, 2013 9 Comments

The third night in a hotel is supposed to be the one where I finally fall asleep at a decent hour and sleep through the night (for the most part). I guess it was not to be.

I did fall asleep early, snuggled in bed, ready to make my way to dreamland by around 9pm.

Suddenly, I awake to what sounds like a car alarm going off. Groggy. I perched myself up on the overabundance of pillows and bed coverings (I think hotels think if they put 6 pillows on the bed it will make up for the fact that not one of them are a good pillow) to try to get my wits about me. My heart is pounding, like hearts do when woken up in the middle of the night.

Oh, I left the television on, that must be where the sound is coming from. I search for the remote frantically thinking the quicker I can make it stop, the better chance I have of simply falling back asleep. Found it, click.

Okay, so now it’s pitch black in my room, but the noise is still going strong. I stumble over to the desk, thinking for some reason that the sound is coming from that area – is it the lamp? Did a prior sleep deprived traveler leave some sort of alarm in the drawer?

Oh hey, there’s a window. Let me find all 3 sets of window hangings and move them out-of-the-way so I can look out. Maybe if someone is breaking in I will see them. “Yes, because surely they would still be there hanging out after all this time”, I say to myself sarcastically ‘maybe they will even look up to the 4th floor and wave”.

Sure enough, it is a car, no visible intruders, flashing and honking awake everyone on this side of the hotel who happens to be a light sleeper like myself. My husband would sleep right though it.

Since there is nothing I can do and I’m sure someone has reported to the front desk by now, I decide it best to lay down and try to go back to sleep or at least be ready to when it stops. I realize very quickly, sleep will be elusive for quite a while.

My half asleep but overly active mind begins to try to map out scenarios of what happened. Did someone really try to break into the car, situated under a light in full view of one entire side of the hotel? I decide it’s more likely that it’s an accident. Then I begin to smile as I visualize a small child with keys dangling from their fingers and an evil laugh on their lips, singing na-na-na-na-na-na. This makes me smile.

I imagine someone hanging their keys out of a 6th floor window, trying to stop the noise. This makes me remember that these windows are locked and that makes me feel suffocated and imprisoned, contributing to my anxiety. Maybe someone was bored and couldn’t sleep and decided no one else should be able to have that luxury either.

Then with my detective skills I have picked up from way too many episodes of CSI and Law and Order, I remember there was a tree directly over the car and I decide that something fell out of the tree and on to the car. Case closed; now my mind can chill and perhaps I can sleep.

Some time in the middle of my musings, it stopped. I look at the clock and determine about 8 minutes have passed. I rest my head on the lumpy pillow and try to get comfortable enough to sleep once again. I was still checking the clock after 11pm.

It will be good to get home and sleep in my own bed.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Bed, Health, hotels, humor, Pillow, Shopping, sleep, Sleep deprivation, Travel

More travel fun

January 27, 2013 Leave a Comment

Standing in line shivering outside the airport in the “taxi line”, I couldn’t help but wish it would move a little more quickly. Finally, it was my turn and I was grateful when the door was opened and I could escape the winter chill.

I gladly jumped in and situated myself, happy that it was clean and didn’t smell like dirty socks. The heater was on high, loud and doing its job well. The driver was female; an absolute first for me in my taxi riding adventures and I’ve had quite a few. Maybe this ride would be interesting.

She had on a jacket and scarf and seemed very comfortable with the heat blasting relentlessly in her face. I was already beginning to re-think the heater. From the backseat, feeling a little queasy already, I was dying to roll my window down and hang my head out. Most normal people would have just told her that perhaps 100 degrees was a little too warm, but not me, I just sat there and griped in my head.

She pulled over to type the address into her cell phone GPS, and then we were off. She operated the gas pedal like she was tapping out a beat (think whip lash) and made me nervous with her constant fiddling with the phone. I wasn’t feeling too secure that she knew exactly where we were going, because every once in a while I would hear the phone say, “new route”.

She wanted to chat (I really didn’t) so we began to banter about where I was from and why I was here. I asked her how long she had been in this business and she said 10 years. She appeared to be quite a few years older than me and I found myself looking at her time worn hands. I thought, “she looks very weary”. I began to feel something more akin to compassion for her than irritation at her driving, poor choice of proper temperature and the inability to tell that I was not in the mood for mindless chitchat.

As we pulled up to my hotel, after passing it and having to turn around and go back, I was glad that I had been kind to her. I’m sure that she deals with rude travelers all the time, but, by the grace of God, I wasn’t one of them. It’s not so difficult to put others first and it always ends up being a blessing.

Oh and she asked me to call her for my return trip; I’ll have to think about that 🙂

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: cell phone, Cell Phones and Driving, GPS, taxi, Transportation, Travel

Flashbacks of watermelon and nausea

January 25, 2013 2 Comments

My brother, Ronnie and I in 79′ at picnic area in Iowa.

It was the summer of 1979 at a roadside stop in Iowa. The day my hatred for all things watermelon began. I ate WAY too much of it; haven’t been able to stand it since. Something about the gluttony and the heat mixed together and let’s just say I had to empty my stomach of all of it before we could resume our trip.

The rest of that trip was a good one though; it was my mom, dad, brother, sister and I. I don’t remember what our vehicle was at the time, but I’m sure the three of us kids were sliding around in the back seat without the restraint of seat belts. One of us would make a loud slap noise on our own leg and then yell, “Mom, so and so hit me”; so and so was whoever we felt like getting into trouble.

I remember that quite often I got to ride in the front because I got carsick. This wasn’t one of my sneaky little games either although my brother and sister always thought it was. Mom and Dad would usually attempt to make me sit in the backseat, but after enough pleas to, “pull over, I think I’m going to puke!” I would soon find myself comfortably lodged right between them up front nearer the air conditioner. Okay, I admit, I wasn’t always really sick, but most of the time I was.

This was especially necessary in the summer when it was hot or if we traveled mountainous or curvy terrain. I went on a trip once with my grandparents and aunt and uncle and threw up in the Catskills. I told people about that for months. To this day, when someone mentions the Catskill Mountains, it’s always the first thing I think of.

After my move to the front seat, Dad would cajole me into singing along with whatever country song was on the radio or 8 track tape. One of his favorites for me to sing was Jessie Colter’s, “I’m not Lisa”, or Crystal Gayle’s “Don’t it make my brown eyes blue”. With my eyes being brown and my name being Lisa, this was always funny to me.

I loved traveling as a child and still do. Some things about it haven’t changed. There is something about heading out in the morning with coffee in hand, watching the sunrise as you countdown the miles to your destination. Then there is the quality family time spent in the car together, arguing over the radio and temperature. What about trying to get dad/hubby to stop for potty breaks and having him wait so long and pass so many possibilities that finally the only choice you have left is a nasty truck stop with no toilet paper or the other even less favorite option, the side of the road.

All in all, traveling with my family throughout the years holds more pleasant memories than bad ones. Besides, looking back now, even the bad ones don’t seem so bad anymore. I think it’s because we were together.