God – Long walks and dark chocolate

It’s a bad day, not a bad life

August 8, 2013 5 Comments

The alarm woke me up angrily as if to say there is no time to spare, not another blink of sleep is to occur on my watch! The door reached out to clobber me in the side of my head as I dragged a less than cooperative body to the bathroom. The water was cold as it bitterly splashed my awakening skin, and my eyes simply refused to focus properly; then the scale was particularly hateful.

Off to the kitchen where the red light on my keurig flashed impatiently, shouting, “refresh me or else”!

Finally seated in front of my computer, I attempted to begin my work day. Of course on days like this, fingers fail to move where your mind tells them to go and logins are incorrect.

It was as if my blood pressure was rising while my patience was waning and it wasn’t yet 6:00am.

As the day schlepped on, ever so slowly, it was one irritating thing after another. There was the way my bank (for reasons still unclear to me) locked out my online banking feature, and the only way that I could prove that I truly was who I proclaimed to be was by me knowing the amount and date of my very last transaction.

This may seem a walk in the park to you, but since I was dealing with my hubby’s business account, I knew my getting this right was as likely as him remembering to tell me he even used the card; therefore, highly unlikely. I was so amazed when the last receipt he had thrown in a crumpled up pile on the counter actually matched. I could have cried tears of joy! Yes! I had received my first miracle of the day.

Even after this turn of events, my mood continued to darken and my appetite threatened to destroy my resolve against all things unhealthy. My husband and daughter felt the tumultuous waves of my hormonal raging. I even had to make one apology…harrumph!

About this time one of my co-workers and I were discussing a timeline for a future fix and something she said shook my resolve to be angry today. I made a negative comment and she said, “hey, you’re always the positive one”. Ouch! God was showing me, crystal clear, that my attitude needed adjusting. But, I didn’t heed at that point; I was too deep in the yuck-mode.

Later, once I got off work and sat basking in the afternoon sun, remembering that today is my Friday, I looked back on today and actually smiled. Okay, I admit it was one of those wimpy, embarrassed smiles, but it was a smile nonetheless.

Somehow, at that point, I quickly repented for my negativity and forced myself to realize (once again) all that I have to be thankful for in life. I heard the words, “it’s a bad day, not a bad life” resonate from somewhere deep within.

Yes, I can blame SOME of it on hormones, but this selfishness, thinking it’s all about me, forgetting the blessings, is something I feel I will be blogging about over and over until I get it. And, then maybe I will continue until others get it as well. If you’ve had a bad day, get alone somewhere quiet, say a prayer, read a verse, breath in and out and begin to count those blessings. It will do you good!

Filed Under: Inspirational Tagged With: almost 50, Banking Services, be positive, counting blessings, Friday, God, hormonal issues, I'm sorry, menopause, moodiness, Online banking, selfishness, thankfulness, workday

Too blessed

July 18, 2013 4 Comments

City Park, New Orleans

We are finally home from vacation and although I had a wonderful time and wouldn’t take back the beautiful visit and fun times and laughter, I am looking forward to sleeping in my own bed tonight.

I was browsing facebook earlier and saw that a very wise, young lady posted a status that said, in essence, ‘lighten up, everyone has depressing statuses today”.

Her status reminded me once again how very fortunate most of us are. I had to stop and reflect on this trip and how many times I made silly negative comments about a late cab or a long drive or even (as ridiculous as it may seem) about eating too much.

As soon as these utterances leave my mouth, I regret them. I think of the family living in a car because they have lost their home, or people who can’t afford to go on vacation this year because they have too many medical expenses. What about the starving children? What if they could be a bug on a wall as we rubbed our bellies, filled with all manner of delicacies while exclaiming, “Wow, I did it again; ate way too much”. I would be embarrassed.

So what can I do? I can start by making sure that I voice good things, that I focus on the positive, and that I remember at all times how very much I am blessed. For me, it’s about remembering from Whom I get my strength, hope and peace.

I truly believe that what we say can influence for good or bad. If I grumble and complain, that propagates more of the same. And seriously, isn’t life arduous enough at times without me broadcasting the bad like the ratings-hungry news media does?

So, once again I vow to try to remember those less fortunate than me when I find myself in a far from horrid situation that beckons a complaint or murmur. I will silence the fuss with praise or a blessing!

Little blessings… (girlthingstore.com)

Filed Under: Inspirational Tagged With: Blessing, God, Good News, help, hope, peace, People, positive, praise, Requesting Help, Travel

They hurt, so we love

June 24, 2013 4 Comments

Teardrop on Fire (Photo credit: tj.blackwell)

Why can’t we see that people are hurting? Why do some people rush to spread bad news, but don’t bother to take the time to clear up a nasty rumor?

We are all touched by pain, turmoil and tragedy, are we not? We all suffer so how do we forget what that feels like. How do we forget what would have made us feel better and then not offer that instead of judgment and gossip?

Please know that I am searching my own heart as I share. I hate gossip and try to stay far from it, but don’t we all get roped in sometimes? Aren’t we also partakers even if we just listen? Isn’t that just as bad? And how does that help, what does it accomplish?

When I think on the times that I have felt ravished and torn by life’s trials and troubles, I quickly remember the friends who showed up, who covered me in prayer; the ones who stood up for me and my family. I think of those who quickly discerned that it wasn’t a time for observation and speculation, but a time to show love and concern. They realized that it was a time to love and hold and listen.

I have been studying the book of Job, and just like everything else God does, this was divine timing, because it has been helpful to apply some of what I have learned to hurting people. It is teaching me to be a better friend. One who understands that there is a big picture and I can’t figure it all out and I don’t have all the answers. Sometimes the most helpful thing I can do is to pray for them and listen. Notice I said “listen”, not always speaking, not always thinking I have all the answers.

Most of us, by the time we have reached my age, have experienced the death of a loved one, severe illness in ourselves or others, financial difficulty or even ruin, marital discord and sometimes divorce, problems with children and grandchildren, and the list goes on and on.

God help us to remember some of those times; the way we felt, the people who cared and the things that counted. What made us feel better, what caused a smile to tug at the corners of our mouth and what made us feel loved and warm inside? May we remember and pay it forward.

Job and I (iamlvl.wordpress.com)

Filed Under: Inspirational Tagged With: Christianity, Facebook, friendship, God, Grief Loss and Bereavement, Health, hurting, Job, Mental health, Prayer, Religion and Spirituality, trials

The Two Anniversaries

June 5, 2013 19 Comments

This week holds two special days for me; one is the anniversary of my marriage, which symbolizes a beautiful beginning and the other is the anniversary of the death of my mother which epitomizes an agonizing final chapter in the book of my life.

Since 1996, I have endeavored to honor both dates with all of the respect and enthusiasm I could muster. The first few years after mom died, it was especially difficult to enjoy my anniversary. There was that “other” day coming on its heels, the one where the sky always looks the same as it did on that fateful day and details that would be better off forgotten gallop through my thoughts.

As I have grown older and realize the brevity of life and the importance of enjoying it, I often think of how my mom embraced life.

She was a dreamer, a romantic, intelligent and funny. She lived through some tough things; she lost her mom, her dad, her grandmother and a brother. She went through a heart-wrenching divorce.

However, if you were to inquire of anyone in my family as to who absolutely lit up a room when they entered; they would tell you quickly that it was my mother. She is often remembered for her smile, even when in the midst of adversity.

I will never forget the first time she met my husband and how much she adored him. She said, ‘he’s a keeper”. I reminisce on the first (sometimes bumpy) years of marriage when I dialed her number seeking solace and more importantly someone willing to blindly take my side. Although I’m still not sure exactly how she pulled it off, my outlook was often altered by the time I hung up the phone. She would cause me to look inward, and sometimes identify (much to my chagrin!) when I was the problem.

So, in a strange, somewhat enchanted way, the two days are combined into the fond memories of my mother, the wonderful times we had together; and the beautiful memories of my marriage and the hopes and dreams of many years to come.

There is also the knowledge that she would want me to give my anniversary the recognition it deserves and celebrate it to the fullest. She would flash that big ole’ smile and give us her blessings all over again if she could.

Once again, my memories, which threatened to take on a life of melancholy this afternoon, have only catapulted me to a happiness that comes from knowing that I have been and continue to be loved and nurtured by some of the best! I’m sitting here with your smile, mom and happy tears.

Filed Under: Family and Home, Inspirational Tagged With: anniversary, Family, God, marriage, Mother daughter relationship, Parenting, Relationships

Weekly photo challege: Escape

May 18, 2013 Leave a Comment

This week’s photo challenge is escape. I find that when I need to get away from it all, I usually find myself near a beach, or at least water; be it a beach, river, lake, or even a bathtub.

My soul finds it’s refuge and solace in the Word of God.

My husband at Guana Cay, Abacos

Where I escape to find my strength

Everglades/Chokolosee Causeway at sunset

First Beach, Olympic National Park

Filed Under: Photography Tagged With: Abacos, bahamas, beach, escape, God, National Parks and Monuments, Olympic National Park, photography, postaday, weekly photo challenge

Love you mother!

May 10, 2013 2 Comments

I was blessed with one of those Moms like the one from Leave It to Beaver, only better. Hers was the shoulder I cried on, and it was her hand that I held. She was strength when I needed it and a resounding voice of wisdom during my trials and troubles.

In my early years, she was my fiercest protector, my biggest encourager, my most invested teacher and an abundant source of love and gentleness.

As I grew, she cheered me on, she poured positivity into me, and she taught me forgiveness and reminded me to turn to God for all things.

In my teenage years, she cried with me as she stroked my back, bringing hope to a broken heart. She defended me like a lioness, when she thought I’d been wronged. She never lost faith in me or what I could become. She was my mentor, my solace, my sole confidante.

When I became a mother myself, I learned to appreciate her more than ever for it was then that I recognized her sacrifices and identified with them myself.

Now, after almost 17 years, I can still remember the sound of her voice, the strength of her touch and thankfully, all the things that she taught me about love and life.

I will miss her until the day the good Lord calls me home and I am reunited with her.

For those of you who didn’t have the greatest mom, I am truly sorry and I know there are many situations out there that are heartbreaking. The good thing is, you can be that yourself, whether you are a mom or a mentor, you can give someone hope. You never know how you can be used to pour into a life until you do it.

Filed Under: Family and Home, Inspirational Tagged With: Family, God, hope, Mom, Mother's Day

Weekly Photo Challenge: Change

April 12, 2013 2 Comments

Senior night at softball

Will I even miss the mess?

Always shoes by the front door and anything else she drops

Pics are in; waiting for announcements to arrive

Senior year of softball; Captain Morgan

The Weekly Photo Challenge email said, “In a new post created for this challenge, share a picture that says CHANGE.”

As my throat constricted in the way that is so familiar lately, I knew exactly the change that my photos would represent. You see, my youngest is about to graduate from high school. I’ve been very brave all year, put on a big smile and was very careful to embrace every moment and capture as much of it as possible with my mind’s eye as well as with the lens of my camera.

Now, it’s crunch time. The date is set, the announcements are ordered, the yearbook pages are done, the banquets are beginning, and my life as I know it is about to undergo one of the biggest changes a parent can encounter.

As the calendar makes haste, without any care for my heart, towards May 31, 2013, I try to keep smiling and laughing and pretending things are perfectly normal. They are not. My husband and I will soon be empty-nesters, left alone to our own devices; no games to attend, no late night clock watching and “hurry home” texts, and no going into that messy room to wake a groggy teenager.

Thankfully, I know that we have raised her well, she has God on her side and she knows the plans He has for her. I have to remember we have accomplished much in that she is ready to go out there and make her own way in this big ole’ world. This is life, as it is meant to be.

We will make it although there will be many tears and much missing. There will also be phone calls and visits and texts and sharing of news, and more change.

This heart will trust in the One she has always trusted in for herself, her marriage and her children. There truly is a time and a season for all things under the sun. There is giving, taking and letting go. And through all of the seasons of our lives, He is there.

Filed Under: Photography Tagged With: Color, DailyPost, daughter, God, graduate, photography, postaday, softball, teenager, Time, weekly photo challenge

Easter morning reminiscing

March 31, 2013 4 Comments

Me and my mom’s version of the Easter Bunny cake around 69′

On Holidays, we always think about the ones we loved so much who are no longer with us, and this Easter Sunday, is no exception for me. I think about my Mom, who died almost 17 years ago, while I was pregnant with my youngest.

My mom loved holidays and to me, she was a combination of all the best in Martha Stewart, Betty Crocker and June Cleaver (for those of you too young to know who this is, google “Leave it to Beaver”).

She made all holidays special and I think Easter was one of her favorites. She made the “bunny cake”, and let us help sprinkle the coconut or place the whiskers. It wasn’t only pretty, but also tasty enough to make even Julia Childs stand up and take notice.

She dyed eggs with us, and let us hunt them until they were crushed, rotten or eaten. She was a bona fide pro, though and had fresh ones in the fridge. She laid out a delightful, delicious Easter dinner and usually invited family over to share.

Mom, Dee and I

Our outfits were adorable and immaculate and we changed out of them immediately after church. I sometimes think about her in church with us at ages 1, 2 and 3 (yes, we were little stair steps) and this makes me all the more in awe of her. We will be 45, 46, and 47, as soon as my brother catches up with the program, turning 45 on April 22nd.

She made sure we visited both sets of grandparents and she took pictures to document it all for days like this, when I’m reminiscing and want to remember their faces more clearly.

Most of all I am blessed that mom taught us the true meaning of Easter; that is wasn’t all about colorful eggs and dressing up and bunnies, that the true message was in the Resurrection and the hope we all share because of it.

So today, on this beautiful Sunday morning, I am grateful for my Christian heritage. I’m picturing Mom in heaven this morning singing and praising with the angels, as this must be a joyful day there as well.

Blessings and Happy Easter!!!

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Betty Crocker, cake, Easter, Easter Sunday, Family, God, Holiday, Julia Childs, June Cleaver, love, Martha Stewart, Mom, Mother, Sunday

The little, big things

March 26, 2013 6 Comments

Ayda and the red marker experience

This afternoon after reading Psalm 67, I just can’t help but think about all the things I have to be thankful for and how that thanks should turn into praise. Some things we just take for granted like the fact that we woke up today. Many didn’t.

There are so many little things that make me happy and bring me so much joy. They seem small but if you contemplate each of them, one by one, they are really enormous gifts that life would be so dreary without.

For instance, I’m thankful for smiles in general, but especially the smiles that start way down deep inside, the ones that pass through the heart and soul and burst forth birthing more smiles. Imagine a world where no one EVER smiled, not ever.

And what about laughter? Laughter is such a beautiful thing, differing from person to person, but always fitting the personality. We’ve all had those friends with the deep belly laugh, the modest snicker, the snort and the cackle. Can you imagine the world without it?

I’m grateful for the sense of touch; the fact that I can reach out and comfort my husband or my child with a simple touch, a hug, or a kiss. What is it about feeling that presence of another that can give you strength or courage to keep going sometimes? I think about those denied the touch of another and how dreadful that would be.

My point in this little snippet is that we are easily thankful for the big things. Every day, I thank God for my home and family, job and church, friends and neighbors. The praise can get routine and not as heartfelt sometimes. Today, I’m reminded of so many little things that are really big things and of how I take so much for granted in my very blessed life. This is a reminder to me to be grateful for the seemingly little things and to help others to notice them too.

Be Blessed!

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: children, God, grandchild, laughter, praise, smiles, thankfulness

Weekly Photo Challenge: Future Tense

March 22, 2013 11 Comments

I captured this one day on my phone while our granddaughter was watching out the window to see when Papa would get home in his boat. Every time I see this I think about her future. She was just concerned with the next few moments, when Papa would get home and probably let her have ice cream. Nana ponders her entire future and prays for God’s best for her daily.